A choice to change or stay the same...

This tiny piece of wood hanging around my neck has a story to tell.

Over the days that lead up to the Osho Leela Mystic Heart Festival that I attended last weekend I was feeling a bubbling sense of anxiety and apprehension.

It's such an incredibly intensive and powerful spiritual gathering. One that I know has the power to shift me on so many levels.

Yet this time there was another undercurrent that was playing out in my mind.

Last year I attended this same festival to co-host the very same firewalk gathering, and I'd brought my boyfriend with me. It was the first spiritual event he'd ever been to and I was nervous yet excited to share the experience with him. I needn't have worried as he absolutely loved it and it was it was an incredibly powerful moment in our relationship.

I was so wrapped up in love without any clue as to what would unfold between us over the following months...

So in the lead up to the festival this year, I so many feelings bubbling under the surface.

Since we split last November, I have found it incredibly tough at times. I thought he had been 'the one' and then it all came crashing down around me.

Over the last few months as I've made peace and dropped any anger and judgments I may have been holding on to, at times I still can't help but still feel so love for him. So much love, love for who we had been together.

I worried how it might feel being back in those familiar surroundings this time on my own.

On the first day I walked into one of the workshops, in particular, one that we had shared together last year and had found so powerful. During that workshop, we had discovered that the workshop leader also carved beautiful 'oghams' from various trees and that each one had a particular symbolism and intention.

We spent hours deliberating which ones we would buy, and we gifted them to each other, both wearing them all the time in the weeks that followed. I had even spent some hours scouring Hatfield park a couple of weeks later when his had fallen off during a run and he’d been upset as loosing it. I found it.

When we split, I could not longer look at it and had to put it away in a box, along with everything else.

When I arrived at this workshop, and saw all the various carve pendants laid out across a display table. I took a deep breath and knew instinctively that this was my opportunity to rewrite that story.

Start anew with a blank slate...

A shiny new chapter...

Shake off the residual fears and anxieties...

Let go of the 'what could have beens'...

At the end of the session, I shared with the workshop leader what was going on for me as something as a declaration and internal acknowledgement of my intention that this was significant moment of choice.

A choice to change or stay the same...

A choice to hold on or let go...

A choice to look back or focus ahead...

My eye caught this particular ogham carved into heather which symbolises community, friendships, family connections and strengthening of bonds with partners. All things I'm committing to draw upon and manifest more deeply in my life.

It felt the perfect way to read write the script and reclaim my story.

The shift was immediate. As the festival unfolded over the following three days, I felt myself feeling so much more connected, having conversations with ease whereas previously I struggled to initiate, forming close relationships with the girls in my dorm room, meeting people that I've met over the last couple of years and allowing myself to relaxing into their company, and even feeling the exciting spark of potential once again.

The energy of the entire experience became so much more than I could ever have anticipated.

All from that tiny moment of choice.

That threshold moment in which I claimed the opportunity to reframe my experiences and step into my power once again.

So this is a story of choice and a reminder that we all have choices in every moment. Threshold moments that have the potential to change the entire direction of out lives if we let them.

Yet our choices they often appears to us in the tiny moments, the moments that we can so easily overlook when life gets busy, moments where we hesitate and miss the calling as it passes by.

This is your moment.

What will you choose?

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'The Dance Of My Life {re-writing my story}

I spent a wonderful weekend at RAW FEST 2018 during which I gave two talks - one on the connection between a plant-based diet and out innate creativity (a topic I am so passionate about and is the focus on my forthcoming book) and secondly on 'sugar-free satisfaction' which is actually where this blog started off back in 2011!

It was a wonderful uplifting festival filled with woodland walks, vegan food, yoga, meditation, inspiring talks, sound baths, spiritual music, campfires and chanting... made all the more special as I was able to share the experience with my boyfriend.

On the last day it rained all day and I made a very fetching 'bin bag ball gown' to keep myself dry which worked a treat ;-)

For me one of the main highlights and moments of growth, was the creative writing workshop with HART FLOE POET set in a circle on the woodland floor.

In the lead up to this piece, Hart Floe asked us to visualise our perfect life, thinking ahead to a time when we had achieved what we had set out to – what would that life look like? What would we be thinking, feeling, touching, tasting, hearing... Initially, as I began to write tears welled up in my eyes.

I could only picture myself alone, that has always been the way in these kinds of exercises when I visualise my future.

But I don’t want to be alone, and it overwhelmed me in that moment. I put my pen down and closed my eyes with the intention to quietly meditate on my breathe for the next few minutes until the exercise was over.

My boyfriend sitting by myself side noticed my tears. I felt silly in admitting to him the truth but he reminded me this was my chance to rewrite that story. I knew he was right. Hesitantly, I picked up my pen and with just a minute or so left of the exercise this is what poured onto the page. It felt so good.

I wonder, where in your life might you benefit from rewriting the story that plays out time and time again in your mind?

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The Dance Of My Life...

There is a warmth in my heart and a flame in my soul. 

The stories and photos of those that I've helped lay bound in books by my bedside. 

Precious. 

Laughter fills the hallway and I smile, imagining the antics happening as I prepare lunch to share on brightly coloured plates. 

The large doors open onto the veranda and the breeze ruffles my hair. 
I look to the horizon, the azure sky and valleys beyond. 

Filling my lungs with the still quiet moments before the chaos ensues. 
Beautiful chaos, love and laughter. 

The stillness and the chaos create a beautiful symphony. 

The dance of my life.

...the orginial writing

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Disconnect with the world outside to connect with yourself... End Of The Road Festival

This summer instead of traveling far and wide, I stayed on home turf and have crewed at a few 'wellness' festivals. When back in January I set my intention for this year to live into the notion of 'experiences', I had no idea how that may manifest, the lessons I would learn and the person I would become along the way.

All I knew is that I would open my mind to it all. My mind and my body has never felt so full of life as it does in this moment... And I still have a few months of this year to go!

For me EOTR was one of a kind, a larger festival than the others I've been a part of, with a incredible almost magical energy... Even in the rain that lingered all weekend. 

It was at it's heart a music festival, a first for me. Yet it had an amazing healing area plus a beautiful park and woodland setting, where I spent so much of my time.

On the Saturday morning I had a shamanic healing journey to open up my heart space, something that feels it needs a little extra work to touch aspects that I have not been able to reach and heal alone. It was incredible. Powerful imagery coursed through my mind as I laid down listening to the beat of the shamanic drum. I huge sense of breakthrough, release and healing as first birds and water flowed from my heart space which was later replaced by visions of bright white... doors opening along a white corridor, and dancing across a bright silver sparkling lake. This touches briefly on a few things that came up for me, maybe I'll talk about this more on a later post, or maybe I won't. We'll see.

Appreciating the diversity of people who come together never fails to surprise me. Those drinking into the early hours, families and kids at play and those up at dawn going for a run... all came together in the energy of this event. A space for everyone to express themselves fully and openly.

I was also taught lessons in human nature, expectation and judgement. Working the late shift to midnight on the entrance to the main tent, I realised I had expected to manage the outpouring of 'rowdy crowds' as they exited the huge tent after the last act of the night. There was nothing of the kind. Only polite, happy people who whilst had been drinking, appeared no different to the beautiful souls I had spent time with during the day. Such an opportunity to for reflection. Everyone I met throughout the festival was so quick to help another, offer an apology for the slightest thing and share their true selves so openly and vulnerably. 

The beauty was also in the details. The beauty of nature of course, but also in the silly things and the fun quirky details that really brought a light to my heart. Quotes of kindness cut into leaves, origami butterflies covering an huge oak tree, a stick contest, a treasure hunt and some many other creative ideas that nurtured the inner child in everyone. 

The woods was also home to tiny stages, populated by impromptu performances that you'd be lucky to catch if you happened to walking by. A book case wrapped round the truck of a huge tree, where at all times of day people could be found quietly reading beneath it's branches. To add to the love and the energy of finding and giving, I hid some of my own #sharetheloveletters in nooks and crannies for others to find and keep the spirit alive. I was even amazing to find a gift of my own in return!

I had no phone or internet signal for the entire four days... And accidental digital detox (as I hadn't realised that would be the case!) 

Disconnected to the world outside, I connected with myself, my thoughts, the rain, the music, the rhythms and movement, my creativity, new people and new perspectives.

My senses came alive and so did my inner child.

Always honour the inner child inside you.

The truest self.

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Yoga Connects!

After 36 hours of digital detox with my phone turned off...

15+ hours of yoga practice 

15 hours of volunteering 

A gong bath

Inspiring talks 

A an epic soul revival dance party 

And a yoga rave

...I return home with a weekend of experiences with some of the most passionate and compassionate people this world has to offer.

I had the privilege of working at the incredible Yoga Connects Festival. Spending time in the company and teaching of some of the yoga greats such as Celeste Periera and Dylan Werner, yet also had the grounding reminder that yoga is not about perfection of the skills to perform gravity defying hand balances.... but an ever evolving inner practice of tuning in your true nature. Of loving yourself in this moment.

Practicing yoga in a group space holds an incredible energy. It intensifies, magnifies and reflects our individual energy. I felt this when I was one of a handful in the sunshine on the bus deck at Merkaba, and I felt this again when I was one of many- sometimes 100+ at the yoga classes this weekend.

I also attended a gong bath, I would have loved to have attended more to go even deeper, but there was so much else I wanted to experience and so it was not to be.  This going bath was a particularly reflective experience for me. I had just finished an intense early morning shift of volunteering at the registration desk and my shift also over ran a little meaning I rushed to where the gong bath was being held, tiptoeing my way through the room to find a small space in a sea of yoga mats already filling the room.

I settled down as the teacher began with slow soft words to lead into the session. My mind was full and it wouldn't give up easy! I had a feeling I'd find it hard to get out of my head and into my heart space and relax but this then gave rise to an altogether different experience. With the sounds of the gong in the background creating ripples and crescendoes of sound reverberating around the room, my mind filled with thoughts, questions and scenarios... Random scatterings of thoughts that each powerfully caught my attention for a few moments... But almost as soon as I got caught up in them, I realised I was doing so and simply let them go.

I just let them drift off.

I told myself if it was important then it would come back to me later when I could do something about it, but that right now there was nothing I could do to help those thoughts and there was little point in them hanging around. It worked like magic. Throughout the 1.5 hour gong bath, my mind filled constantly but also gave me endless practice in letting go... again and again and again.

At the end of the session as I wiggled my fingers and toes, opened my eyes and slowly sat up as the leader brought the session to a close, I realised I remembered not a single thought that had crossed my mind so powerfully just a few moments before.

The epic teachers whose classes I attended... including (top right anti-clockwise) Jake & Chetana- acro yoga, Dylan Werner - yoga therapeutics, Luis Valentine- Jivamukti, 47 Soul- awesome musicians, Celeste Periera- Vinyasa flow, Charlotte Welfare- Boom Shanti, Brett Moran- yogi and inspiring speaker.

Guru is the Sanskrit word for teacher.

Yoga means unity.

We are all own own most powerful teachers when we open our hearts and let the world in to show us the way and allow ourselves to listen to and trust our own inner voice.

When we come together as one energy. Individuals with a common aim, united in physical space, sharing a common bond and a common love. We are one... We are a unity. We are spiritual beings in a physical body.

Hundreds of us sat back to back, bodies pressed together with a partner at the end of the yoga rave at midnight on Saturday, after a full on day of the festival under a huge tent canopy, energy and rhythm still coursing through our souls, coming down from the drug free euphoric high that only love can create. We sat in meditative silence which then closed with my favourite poem..

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We are each beacons of light.

This weekend we let out light shine out to the world. I have no doubt it reached beyond the fields of Stanford Hall. I have no doubt it reached beyond the boundaries of the United Kingdom. This weekend we came together from all over the country and the world for one common aim. To share yoga, to share passion, to share learning and ultimately to share deep inner the love that is innate to us all. 

From the book 'Love' by Leo Buscaglia which I have recently been reading, we do not 'fall' in love but we 'grow' in love. It is a constant, consistent practice in much the same way that yoga is also a constant, consistent practice for both body and mind.

This weekend the people of Yoga Connects came together to grow deeper in love.

P.s If you like to join in next year.... keep an eye on their website for 2017 super early bird tickets coming soon!

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