How I created a business by accident!
Last year I created a business, or in some ways you could say two businesses... By total accident!
And it's something I've been reflecting on these last few weeks and acknowledging the insights that I could tap into within other areas of my life and work.
So let me offer some background context.
At the end of Summer 2021, I had completed my campervan conversion and I was tentatively taking my life on the road. I began to think, "oh, it would be nice to have some housesits to break up some of my travels."
I was considering joining a platform such as TrustedHouseSitters (that I had used briefly a few years before) where you offer your time looking after pets when the owners are away in return for a place to stay. But as I was initially thinking the odd one or two sits dotted here and there, just to break things up a bit so I wasn't in my van the whole time, I was hesitant on paying a hefty platform fee.
Then just as I put that intention out to the universe, three housesits all within the same county that I happened to be close to, literally fell in my lap - all from difference sources, it was really rather magical!
And that was in November and December 2021. These three were all free sits.
By the time Christmas and New Year came around, I'd had so many more enquiries that I needed to take a moment to figure out what I wanted and where I wanted to take things as I found my rhythm on the road.
Instead of me seeking out free housesits as i'd simply assumed would be the case, instead I realised people were coming directly to me. People trusted me and friends and peers were referring me. So I made it more official. I got insurance, did a Pet First Aid certificate and created a simple Facebook Business page. A page I don't update promote or particularly regularly, but is a useful point of reference for others to share and for me to link to when there is an enquiry.
Since January 2022 all the housesits I've done have been paid and they've all been for wonderful clients, many of them now repeats.
Around the same time in early 2022, I began to get curious if there were other opportunities I could tap into based on my existing skills. Other services I could offer homeowners whilst they were away.
I've got a background in architecture and interior design. I've decorated a couple of friends houses in the past, so why not offer a decorating service?
I have a certification in Plant-Based Nutrition and Health Coaching, as well as catering licenses from my food business days, so why not offer an in-house meal prep service?
Decorating is something I know I enjoy as it's something physical away from my laptop. A lovely contrast to my work online. It's also a huge win for the client as they can simply go away and return to a beautifully decorated room (or two, or three!) without any of the hassle or mess of trades people co-existing in their personal space. With no-one around I can also work to my own timeframes, unbound my the traditional 9-5 day.
So I casually put it out there and decorating work alongside the housesits has organically come through ever since. I charge a standard decorator's day rate on top of my housesitting day rate, so the two elements are still independent.
(I look a scruff in old baggy decorating clothes, but I don’t care!) ;-)
Not once have I had to actively 'market' myself, but I've simply been sharing what I do on my Instagram stories over at jo.vanlife as part of my overall vanlife journey, something my coach calls 'spiritual marketing'.
It just naturally and effortlessly occurs in the course of my day to day.
So was it just luck?
Are there learning points that could apply to other aspects of my life and work?
I think there are a few factors that have fed into the accidental ease of this business evolution and I have summarised them below. I would also love to hear from you! Are there any takeaways here that have helped shift your perspective when it comes to your business?
I started off doing a few free sits to get the ball rolling.
Free/low priced/BETA offers are always a useful kickstart and make sharing easier and gives photos and testimonials to get things started too. It also helped me to get clear on what I needed to refine on my contract when I made it official.
ALL my sits come via referral.
Therefore it has been important for me to make sure my friends, family and people in your circles know that I offer housesits (see also point 3).
Keep people involved in your journey.
I think the above happened because so many people knew I was converting a camper van during lockdown and were invested in my journey. So then when I announced I was house/petsitting as part of the overall travel plan it was an easy association in their minds. I also know a lot of people mention me to others in their circles along the lines of ‘I have a friends who lives in her van’ - I know this as when I meet new people they often say things like. “Oh you’re the Jo that lives in her van” ;-)
Be a little quirky in some way!
Related to point 3, there are a lot of house and petsitter BUT there aren’t many travelling around in their tiny home of wheels house and pet sitting. Also, because I travel my catchment is UK wide instead of just my local area as those who have a more traditional home set up would likely have.
Have some kind of social media platform that you enjoy engaging with effortlessly.
I already had my vanlife Instagram set up independently from my regular business account. It was intended to be a scrapbook for me as I converted the van but has evolved into so much more. I enjoy posting whatever I am up to in the stories, which then ping across to FB stories too.
If possible offer something with a unique edge.
This again relates to point 4. If there are many people that do the kind of thing you do, makes you stand out? When I first started, I called myself The Vegan Sitter to differentiate myself (thinking that a lot of vegans would appreciate no animal products cooked in their kitchen). Now I’ve changed the name to be more generic, but offer a decorating service and I also offer a vegan meal prep option for homeowners to come back to. These kinds of ‘add ons’ help make you more memorable to others and you’ll more likely get referrals because of it (plus additional income!)
Lastly, maybe an obvious one but build good relationships with your clients.
It makes the process itself fun if you have a great relationship and this is what will also bring in the repeat work - be it with the same clients or referrals. I’d say 50%+ of my list are now repeats, and the decorating work is too. In a couple of weeks I am going back to look after a dog and do my third lot of decorating in their huge house. I joke that in the next couple of years there entire house will be fully renovated by me, ha ha!
What would you add to the list and what are you focussing on in your business?
On a side note, last year was very much about my finding my flow on the road with these new income streams and now I have that sussed, this year I will refocussing more attention back to design and copywriting. More to come on that soon, but know that I am here for you - checkout out the Everything page hit me up with any enquiries!
Beyond The Body (My Journey of a Plant-Based Diet)
This is a longer article from the archives of my computer files. It touches on some things I have talked about in previous posts and articles, such as the catalyst for my vegan journey and the relationship between creativity and a plant based diet, but also some new things that I haven’t previously written about before but have featured in talks and and interviews I have had with some of the people featured.
I have been plant-based since late 2011 and this story documents so much of that journey, and why for me it’s always been about so much more than the food on my plate.
I wasn’t sure what photo to use to accompany this piece… but as the ‘gateway ‘ was a Nakd bar, I thought I share one of the first recipes I ever made for my blog. My family call these ‘smoosh bars’ although now I more commonly roll the mix into balls and refer to them as bliss balls… if you have been following me on social media for a while you’ll know I still make them regularly (usually weekly!) to this very day.
Read the original post with recipe (note I have since simplified the recipe, scroll down for more bliss ball/bar recipe ideas)
I want to tell you a little story.
A moment in time, that became the gateway to my plant-based vegan journey. A moment that became my gateway to understanding that a vegan diet was not just 'kale and cucumber'
In 2010 my life was incredibly ordinary. Everything was very mediocre. Not bad, but really not great either. Towards the end of that year I met a guy, a vegan guy.
One weekend on our third date, we went for a walk around a park which led into the town centre where the office building of the company he owned was based. We had grabbed some lunch from the supermarket and were debating where to sit and eat it. He asked if I'd like to come up and see his office as it was on the 12th floor of the building and had a great view over the town. It would be empty and we could sit and eat lunch there.
He was right, the view was amazing.
He took a ‘Nakd bar’ (equivalent to Larabar in the US) out of his carrier bag and I looked over curiously, since I had already finished all my food! Breaking it in half he held out his hand, with a bemused and slightly quizzical look on his face.
"It’s just dates, nuts and cocoa all smooshed up together…it tastes exactly like chocolate”, he told me.
"Yeah right" I smiled back.
But I very was curious, and to be honest didn’t want to offend since it was only the third date and all! So I took it.
Mind blown. It DID taste exactly like chocolate!
In that precise moment in time, as I sat on a chair on the 12th floor of an empty office block with a guy I barely knew… my entire life changed. In that precise moment I realised that a vegan diet was indeed about more than just kale and cucumber... I was holding the proof in my hand!
I still vividly remember thinking, 'maybe this guy is not so crazy after all!'
At that time veganism was not at all mainstream (I’d even had to ask him to explain to me exactly what it meant!) Vegan food options were not widely available and Nakd bars were pretty much the only type of vegan treat you could buy, and only typically available in health food shops. Plus they were very expensive!
From that moment forward my curiosity got the better of me.
I made vegan cakes and cookies that he could eat at every given opportunity. I went and bought a £20 food processor on Amazon so I could make my own chocolate ‘smoosh bars’. It wasn’t until about nine months later than my ‘Including Cake’ recipe blog was born, by which time I was now totally immersed, following a 99% healthy, wholefood plant-based diet myself and seeing so many shifts in all areas of my life- physically, mentally and spiritually.
In conversations with others, I often refer to myself as an 'accidental vegan', since it had never even been on my radar. Life simply presented me with a guy, who happened to offer me a piece of chocolate Nakd bar one day and in doing so turned my world around,
Over the last ten years since that moment (as of 2021), I have grown and evolved so deeply and I attribute so much of this to shifting to a plant-based wholefood diet.
I often talk about nutrition being the gateway to our optimal self, because it literally creates the foundation for the journey, it provides us with the building blocks at a cellular level.
Of course I appreciate there are many of interpretations of a ‘healthy diet’ but my focus here is specifically my experience of the benefits of a plant-based diet and not only my experiences, but those of so many clients, colleagues and friends around the world who have shared with me their incredible shifts too.
Let’s first consider some of the fundamental benefits of a plant-based diet in relation to our physical wellbeing.
In removing the animal products we create a more alkaline environment, which is often referred to as the ‘healing diet’. One of the things I personally noticed almost immediately when I’d made the shift was that the speed of muscle recovery after heavy gym training was significantly improved, there was less inflammation in my body and so less muscle soreness.
Reduction in inflammation across the body, enables the muscles to work more efficiently with less energy expenditure- giving us more energy to use elsewhere.
That is also referred to as ‘high net gain nutrition’, where we are spending a small amount of digestive energy for a big nutritional return.
We are in the age of discoveries, yet so many people still suffer an energy crisis - they are constantly fatigued, susceptible to tension and anxiety, disease and depression. People seem to vary between complete disregard for what they eat and a fanatical obsession with proteins, vitamins, minerals and calories. As a society we have disregarded going back to basics. Back to abundant plant-based wholefoods.
We don’t even have to eat a lot of food to be well nourished, in fact it’s the nutritional density that matters, that is the ratio between the amount of calories in a given food to it’s nutritional value- vitamins, minerals, phytochemicals and antioxidants. Brightly and intensely coloured fruits and veg are highest in antioxidants. We want to consume as much of each nutrient relative to the amount of calories. If we base our diets on the nutrient dense plant-based wholefoods, we’ll be sure of getting the highest level of nutrition in.
Another noticeable sign very early on in my transition, was my increased energy and reduced need for sleep. I’d literally be bouncing out of bed early in the morning, something that had never happened before! When we eat alkaline foods overall nutritional stress goes down which also reduces the levels of cortisol- the stress hormone, enabling higher quality sleep.
It was experiencing positive physical changes like this, that gave me huge motivation to continue the exploration.
Shifting across to a mind-body viewpoint, a wholefood plant-based diet, by its very nature means that we are eating closer to the Source. The more refined and processed the foods we eat, the more we are travelling away from the original source, and so arguably the energy from the ‘life source’ is reduced. This effect is even more dramatically enhanced when we shift to a more ‘raw vegan’ diet also known as a ‘high vibrational’ or ‘living food’ diet.
A high vibrational diet is described as a diet consists of foods that are ‘alive’ and that positively benefit the person, as well as the planet as a whole. High vibration means having more light, and thus less density. Plants exemplify this by photosynthesizing light into energy.
Spiritual nutrition also ties in with the idea of eating closer to source. Originating in Buddhist and Hindu communities is the idea of ’Ahimsa’, where the wellbeing of everything that is related to the food itself is considered. It is though that a more plant-based diet offers access to the higher self. Mahatma Gandhi was a great exponent of ahimsa, saying, “The way to truth lies through ahimsa.”
Recently, I spent some time living with a number of different spiritual communities around the world, all of which followed a plant-based vegetarian or vegan lifestyle. It was fascinating to observe the ways in which their diet and lifestyle was so interconnected.
In speaking with a resident at one of the centres I stayed at, he talked of a deep sense of wellbeing and a knowledge that “Every day I am living and eating with a purpose that extends beyond myself.” I found myself nodding and realising that for me too, there is so much truth in that statement.
Prior to switching to a plant-based wholefood diet, I had not considered myself a particularly spiritual person, yet now these were the people I was drawn to and most resonated with. I also found that the ethical side and ‘wider view’ of a vegan lifestyle was slowly beginning to catch up with me, and link arms with the nutritional standpoint that had first caught my attention and lead me down the road in the beginning.
As my fascination with a plant based-diet grew, I found myself more and more drawn into conversations with others who had found themselves on a similar path, often triggered by very different start points.
I began a series of interviews as a platform for sharing the stories of those who have created powerful transformation in their lives through plant-based nutrition as the gateway to change. Nutrition is a powerful catalyst... but, as I soon discovered, it is just the beginning. It creates a threshold to allow you to step more powerfully into your own story of wellness in ways you would never have thought possible.
The first person I interviewed was a guy I met whilst in Portugal. He’d turned his entire life on it’s head, leaving the UK and his successful building company to set up an off-grid community and retreat centre in the Portuguese mountains.
I was fascinated as to what triggered this. He told me that it was through years of battling debilitating Crohn’s disease that at times almost killed him and according to the medical profession was ‘incurable’, but was then totally cured by switching to a plant-based whole food diet as a last resort. What began as a ‘30-day plant-based challenge’ following advice from a trusted friend turned into his life’s purpose.
What is fascinating is that he also realised that after about six months of being fully plant-based, the asthma that had plagued him his entire life, with attacks often landing him in hospital, had totally disappeared.
He told me; “My whole life has done 180 degree shift, most of my friends back home don’t know me any more. I am a better version of myself. After the initial 30-days I wanted more, what else could I do? The next thing was yoga and meditation, what could I do with my body and mind. I had been a typical gym lad, wanting to build big bulky muscle, and so yoga could not have been a bigger shift for me. I began questioning everything else in my life. I went with what felt right for me in my heart”.
Whilst the stories of those I interviewed could not have been more different, there were some fascinating patterns that quickly began to emerge.
Another lady, now the creator of a healthy food and lifestyle magazine, told me; “You start on the journey with what you’re eating but then your mind opens up and you find your intuition becomes more empowered as your nutrition improves.”
Another interview alludes to this same sense of mind-body shift;
“Two weeks after going vegan the eczema that had plagued me for years just disappeared. The fact that I saw the physical benefit straightaway gave me the motivation to continue. After a few months had past I noticed I had not had a single depressive episode or self harmed. I would say that through a vegan diet I am completely cured of depression. I feel content and grounded in myself.”
In all my conversations, the sense of ‘expansion’ was very apparent and also very much part of my own story.
Once we stop and question something so integral such as diet, something that is so deeply conditioned to be perceived a certain way in our society, and we realise there are other solutions… it creates a cascade of questioning. The better we feel the more we question and the more in tune we become with our inner knowing.
Very soon another question began to rise within me.
Does a plant-based diet increase your innate creativity?
This had been something I had been feeling for some time. When I made the shift to a plant-based wholefood diet, my own creativity skyrocketed. I had always been a creative person in the traditional ‘arty’ sense, but now coupled with the questioning mentality, my creativity and curiosity knew no bounds.
I also had a sense that creativity and a sense of wellbeing were inextricably and powerfully linked. Indeed, a quick search on-line brings up numerous articles and research literature on how being more creative improves our mental and physical health. This deeper approach to well-being is often described as "eudaimonic well-being" and focuses on living life in a full and deeply satisfying way.
Creativity is fundamental to the experience of being human.
The deep connection between creativity and meaning was noted long ago by the creativity researcher Frank X. Barron. Through his pioneering research on some of the most creative people of his generation, Barron came to realize that creative people have the remarkable capacity to become intimate with themselves. According to psychologist Ruth Richards, they “dare to look within, even at one’s irrational and less conscious material, including one’s ‘shadow’ materials”. Richards refers to this capacity as “courageous openness".
As Richards puts it, “A creative style of living, coping with difficulties and weaving possibilities, can not only produce useful accomplishments for self and world but can offer the creator new resilience, perspective, aliveness in the moment, joy, and purpose in life.”
In the words of Brene Brown; "Creativity is the way I share my soul with the world." I see creativity as giving yourself permission to see things differently. Tilting your perspective, maybe mere millimeters, to create the world anew and shine a light into previously undiscovered corners.
For me the shift is primarily two-fold;
Once we go against the norms and think outside the box in terms of what we put on our plates, it opens up space to question the world beyond the confines of society’s expectations and gives us courage to step into our authentic truth in so many other ways.
Alongside this, the nourishment for our body through eating closer to source creates a ‘lightness’, an increased energy at a cellular level and something of a spiritual connection within, although I didn’t realise this initially and still find it hard to put into words today.
I decided to reach out to see if others shared my thoughts and feelings around a plant-based diet and innate creativity. I put this question out to various plant-based communities:
“Do you feel as though your creativity, spirituality or personal development has increased significantly since switching to a plant-based vegan diet?”
I received an overwhelming majority of ‘Yes’s to my poll, approx 70%. Some beautiful comments were shared which strongly reinforced for me this powerful dietary link and mindset catalyst.
Here are some of the words that were shared:
“Yes! absolutely it has! I have been vegan just over a year and it has had a positive impact on all areas of my life. I think on a deeper level, I am more connected to the earth and I am more peaceful. I have had more creative ideas and energy to make them a reality.”
“I went vegetarian the beginning of last year and have gone vegan this month, I have to say my creativity has increased! I am drawing and painting again, something I haven't done in a long time. Also in the way I am being creative in my wardrobe and dressing more how I want too!”
“I am much more creative since going vegan. I'm not sure if it has to do with nutrition as much as living a more authentic and value based lifestyle. It has pushed me out of the dissatisfied way I had been living. I'm also more fearless, I try new things all the time. “
“A vegetarian for 30 years, I then embraced a raw vegan lifestyle about 3 years ago which totally changed me. I suddenly felt connected with the earth, with nature, with life in a way I never had before. Alive, creative, excited.... It was transformative! 3 years down the line I don't eat a wholly raw diet any more, I eat a mostly vegan diet (eggs from my pet ducks when they're laying) but with a high proportion of raw because when you eat raw foods you really feel the life-force, the energy, of those foods going into your body and it's wonderful.”
“I can certainly relate to this. I’ve metamorphosed from a bored meal provider into an enthusiastic, energetic and lovable (well my family believe so) server of wholesome foods. One’s creative energies seem to open up in so many areas of one’s life.”
“Yes, not only in cooking but other ways too. I always have been the type to look outside the box anyway, but this perspective on life has changed the way I look at things even more.”
It’s not just feedback on social media that align with this way of thinking. I dug a little deeper and found various articles also alluding to this sense of creativity and connectedness.
Back in 2008 Steve Pavlina wrote a long article focussed on ‘diet and energy’. It document’s the authors thoughts around his shift to a raw vegan diet. He states, the most significant and biggest change was definitely increased creative output.
“I feel more creatively inspired than ever, so I’ve been doing more creative work than I used to, shifting between blogging, speaking, journaling, business planning, concocting raw food dishes, and other outlets. I now feel very uncomfortable if I go more than a couple days without creating new material. It’s like I’m overly aroused with creative energy and feel compelled to express it.”
I was also fascinated by the question he asked in the article; “Are you resisting a more energetic state of being?
“If you improve your diet and then feel much more energetic (physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually), how will you channel all that extra energy? Where will you direct it? How will you use it to fuel greater creative output?
I think those questions need to be addressed before you’re ready to make the shift. Otherwise it’s too easy to fall back into your old comfort zone.”
This is fascinating to me, and something I had never before considered in that light. When I work with coaching clients or speak with friends who are struggling with aspects of their nutritional journey, or indeed any aspect of stepping up and changing their life for the better, the idea that clinging to our comfort zone, or as Steve put’s it ‘resisting a more energetic state of being’ begins to make a lot of sense.
Whilst we all, no doubt, want to achieve a state of optimal well-being, we also need to be ready for it. No more hiding behind the stories we tell ourselves that keep us playing small.
I believe there is a powerful truth in the ‘knowing’. That when you know more; when you have experienced it in the heart of your being, then there is no ‘un-knowing’.
Exploring Veganism and a plant-based diet goes beyond the body and expands the mind in so many dimensions, and a mind expanded cannot return to it’s old dimensions.
NOTE: This story was first published in 2017 in Athena Publishing: Your Well-Being. A book that showcases wellness, nutrition, alternative medicine and natural health therapies that improve the quality of life physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually.
Why I walked 80,000 steps in one day...
Yesterday, I did something that was one of my biggest personal challenges yet.
I walked 80,000 steps, which was a total of approximately 70 kilometres, in aid of the Stephen Lawrence Charitable Trust (this was part of a wider challenge I’d been involved with, but this challenge I took on solo)
I went out armed with a massive tub of overnight oats, (packed with plenty of Toppers of course) and I made a big batch of chocolate bliss balls to keep my energy up. I’ll share my favourite bliss ball recipe on the blog soon.
I started walking at 7:15am in a village near Newmarket and then I proceeded to walk back towards my end point in Bedfordshire, closer to home. It took just over 13 hours on non-stop walking and was dark by the end. It also rained pretty heavily, so I was cold wet and totally exhausted by the time I completed it.
For me, nutrition, has always been about more than the food on my plate. I talked about that more in this post as it’s such a big part of why Boost Your Bowl was born.
When I went plant-based in 2011, it opened my mind to a whole new way of approaching my life and it became the gateway to finding my best self in body, mind and spirit.
I've also been a very active person for my entire life. Constantly being ferried between different after school clubs by my parents in my childhood years. Then in my adult years, being an avid gym-goer and pole fitness instructor.
Last year, I joined an OCR Sports Training team, which has been such a wonderful opportunity to feel part of a team again. Something I'd been missing for so long without realising as I’ve working for myself from home since the beginning of 2013. Interestingly it also re-awakened my competitive side that I thought I'd long-buried! (to the extent the guys on the team nicknamed me ‘Competitive Jo’)
I've taken part in a few team challenges and group runs during lockdown which has helped keep me sane and stay connected and also helped create a sense of forward momentum whilst living in a time of such uncertainty.
But yesterday, I did something that was one of my biggest personal challenges yet.
I walked 80,000 steps, which was a total of approximately 70 kilometres, in aid of the Stephen Lawrence Charitable Trust. This was part of a wider sponsored fitness challenge I’d been involved with over the last few months, but this particular challenge I took on solo.
I set out armed with a massive tub of overnight oats, (packed with plenty of Toppers of course) and I made a big batch of chocolate bliss balls to keep my energy up. I’ll share my favourite bliss ball recipe on the blog soon.
I started walking at 7:15am in a village near Newmarket and then I proceeded to walk back the Icknield Way trail towards my end point in Bedfordshire, closer to home. It took just over 13 hours on non-stop walking and was dark by the end. It also rained pretty heavily in the afternoon, so I was cold, wet and totally exhausted by the time I completed it.
This was the pic I shared on Facebook the day before…
In times like these that I realise the mind and the body are such a powerful tag team.
When I say nutrition is about 'so much more than the food on my plate', I truly believe it to be the most powerful start point to create our solid, strong foundation. But it is by no means the only piece in the puzzle.
We need to fuel our bodies well, but it's so often out minds that will get us over the biggest hurdles, or indeed it is often our minds that can block our way.
When we bring our mind into the equation and more deeply delve into our own personal development in a holistic way, this is where the magic truly happens.
For me, yesterday was the perfect example of that in my own life.
I'd been feeling a bit lethargic and a bit low in motivation and if I'm honest, struggling with feelings of anxiety in the weeks coming out of lockdown.
But I also know that, for me, movement is always the most powerful tool to bring me back into my body and bring me back into an empowered mental attitude.
So I took that knowledge and applied it.
This is my story, but I am sure I am not alone in these feelings. So I encourage you, if you're feeling a bit low on motivation, a bit 'meh', or disempowered and unsure of how to navigate the next weeks and months to come.
Take back your power.
Shake things up.
Fuel your body and mind in the ways that you know serve you best and allow that momentum to build. I promise, good nutrition and moving your body will never fail to elevate your life.
Push yourself to the edge of your comfort zone and lean into that space where fear and excitement co-exist, whatever that might look like for you.
That is always the space where the magic happens.
Me when i’d finished over 13 hours later. Cold, wet and aching… but very proud!
Not 'bad' enough... (a story of pain to purpose)
Last year I was given the opportunity to give a talk at the launch of an event called Pain to Purpose. Hosted by my wonderful friend Vanessa of Grow Friday, the whole focus of this event was to vulnerably share our stories of pain through to purpose.
I felt present once to the energy of this event as New Year 2020 rolled round and I reflected on life, the wins the losses and moments in between…
I decided to take on a deep dive personal development workshop, to challenge the limiting beliefs and blocks that I know still hold me back, things I touched on in that vulnerable stage presentation.
Which brings me back to that moment…
I sat there in the audience, on a chair to the side of the stage waiting for my turn to stand. I was the opening speaker for the main section of the evening that had begun with a series of open mic sessions. People came to the mic to share for 10 or 15 minutes each, their stories of struggle and their stories of triumph through adversity. There were some really beautiful, painful, powerful recollections. Deep vulnerable sharing.
I distinctly remember thinking, Wow. Who am I to be speaking on this stage as one of the key speakers? My story isn't 'bad enough' to be sharing here!
I still clearly remember those words forming in my mind.
My story isn't 'bad enough', I haven't suffered enough to be standing and sharing here. Who am I to share my pain when it is nothing compared to theirs.
Getting passionate here… the talk was in a dark atmospheric basement venue (hence the low lit shot)
These feelings were still swirling around inside me as I took to the stage to begin my talk and so with honesty and openness, I shared exactly that. I placed my fears on the table.
I shared that these feelings were swirling within me. I shared I didn't think my story of pain was 'bad enough' in comparison. As soon as I said it out loud I smiled and there was some giggles in the room and I laughed as well. We laughed together in the recognition of how silly that sounded out loud.
My struggles, no matter how small they may seem, are worthy of acknowledgement. My 'pain to purpose' story was worthy to share.
It's not a competition to see how 'bad' we've each had it in life. Yet, sometimes in society it feels like that's where we're being pushed towards. There's comparisonitis in every corner about how good our lives can be but there's also the darker comparisonitis of how bad we've had it - like a oneupmanship of the worst kind.
So for those of us, like me, who fall somewhere in the middle, who have struggled with seemingly smaller things in a sea of trauma we see in the news every day, we dismiss our struggles for not being worthy.
For not being 'bad' enough.
We don't ask for help because it's not 'bad' enough to justify someones time and resources. We feel foolish, feeling as though we should be able to sort this ourselves because really in comparison to what some people have been through, it's really not that bad. Suck it up.
And that's the story I've been telling myself for a long, long time.
That's the story that came to a climax in that room as I heard those powerful stories shared before me. And by openly speaking my fears into the room in that moment, I gave myself permission to share my story. I acknowledged my struggles.
I see so much of this repeating in the book I’m currently writing. I'd been stalling for so long in putting my thoughts into words because I didn't think my story was worthy enough to tell. It wasn't 'bad' enough. My pain and struggles are nothing in comparison to what some people go through. So why share it at all? Who would it even help?
Yet, I know there are so many people like me, maybe even the majority, who struggle with these seemingly smaller things, things that on the outside don't seem a big deal. Where the thoughts creep beneath the surface of our minds… who am I to be talking of my pain when so many other people have had it far worse.
But here I am on stage and in my book, talking about my pain.
Talking about my power.
Talking about my struggles.
Talking about my strengths.
Because I know there are so many other people, like me, who sit in the middle of the spectrum with the struggles that they simply don't give credit to. That they dismiss because it's not that 'bad'.
I'm here to hold out my hand and invite you to own your story. Your struggles and your strengths, your tragedy and triumph, your highs and your lows…
They are worthy.
They are significant.
They can have a voice.
How vulnerability calls to the deep humanness in each of us
I have explored the topic of vulnerability pretty extensively in my own life since 2015 when I first learned of the work by Brene Brown and it blew my mind with its ability to connect us deeply when I least expected it to! Little did I know at that point in time the depth of the journey I would be taken on.
Recently, whilst tidying up some files on my Macbook, I found this article I first wrote to be featured in Smart Healthy Women magazine back in late 2017. All of it still rings true and so I am sharing for you here too.
I’d love to hear your own insights on vulnerability and how this has enhanced your life, as it continues to be a treasure trove for me in getting to know myself more deeply, and has been the gateway for leading me through the messy to the magical.
Embracing Vulnerability
The idea of life being a celebration of the 'journey' and not the 'destination' is not a particularly new concept, I see it bounced around in quotes on Pinterest and on the web in various forms, but it can so easily be overused and it’s meaning lost and diluted.
I really loved Brene Brown’s spin on things…
“It’s not about winning, it’s not about losing, it’s about showing up and being seen.”
'Showing up' is an incredibly powerful statement. Sometimes we can fool ourselves into thinking we are stepping into our power and living up to our potential by making plans, thinking about what we will do, reading all the books, speaking the speak....
BUT 'showing up' is in the doing. It's the stepping out into real life and putting those thoughts into actions. It's entering new unknown territory. It’s the risk-taking and the potential for failure. It takes us out of hiding- whether that be physical or mental, there is no going back once that step has been taken.
Showing up is the real crux of embracing our vulnerability.
Showing up is saying 'yes' to life.
Saying ‘yes’ is surrendering and trusting the process.
Trusting the process is deeply entwined with embracing vulnerability.
We talk about ‘trust’ as something we ‘build’, as if it’s a structure or thing that we need to gain more of over time, but in that building there also seems to be something deeply powerful and necessary about letting go.
That ‘letting go’ brings us out of our heads and down into our hearts. That ‘letting go’ allows us to stop thinking, to stop worrying that someone won’t catch us if we fall. It allows us to relax a part of our minds so that we can focus on what’s right in front of us and stop concerning ourselves what’s going on when we are not there.
Trust is not one way but many ways of being. Trust is your relationship to the unknown, it’s a slow and steady practice of learning about the capacity of the world.
Some time ago I was at home just getting settled to go to bed when a question popped into my head and wouldn’t leave me alone.
“What does being brave mean to me, and how can I show up ‘bravely’ in my life?”
I have no idea whatsoever why that question popped into my head, but as it did I also had the soundtrack ‘Brave’ by Sara Barielles playing through my mind…
“Say what you wanna say
And let the words fall out
Honestly, I wanna see you be brave”
When we are younger our parents may say ‘be brave’ when we fall over and scrape a knee, to help try and stop our tears.
Being brave in the face of pain is a very traditional association, but I think it goes much deeper than this in how we show up in the world as we get older and more of societies expectations bear down upon us.
Is bravery a direct correlation to the level of unknown and uncontrollable outcomes and moving forward regardless?
For me, bravery is about stepping beyond your personal comfort zone… that’s where the fear factor and the unknown both lie. Being ‘brave’ can show up in the smallest of actions; exposing vulnerability and simply speaking out loud what’s on your mind instead of holding it inside is often a huge act of bravery.
One thing that has created a huge mental shift for me is the realisation that allowing yourself to be truly vulnerable within interactions with others creates great strength and not weakness... the opposite of what I would have previously assumed.
It blew my mind when I first saw this in action, as a leader took to the stage at a coaching event and began his opening speech with the words, “One thing I don’t want you to know about me is…”
I had so much more respect for him as a result.
Vulnerability calls to the deep humanness in each of us, it holds out a hand of connection. It says ‘me too’.
Vulnerability is an act of exposing our own deep truths and in doing so we act as a mirror for others vulnerabilities. We risk rejection when others are not ready or able to meet us in that space.
As Brene Brown writes, the root of the word courage is cor - the Latin word for heart. In one of its earliest forms, the word courage meant "To speak one's mind by telling all one's heart."
We each have our own story tell, and only by truly owning that story in our hearts and embracing our vulnerability, can we unleash it’s power.
Celebrating the 'lasts' and the 'firsts'...
It's funny how quickly we fall into routines and habits. So often subconsciously, that you only realise you built them when it's time to move on.
I spent the last eight months house sitting for my friend’s parents as they travelled Australia and Canada and I hadn't realised how much their place had become like home. I've now moved on to another housesit and this morning as I woke up, I lie in bed waiting for the first grandfather clock chimes of the day.
They would always chime at 7:15.
But this morning, they didn't come because I'm no longer in the house with the grandfather clock.
So often when I was working from home in the silence of my own company, the quarterly chimes of the clock would be my solid companion. It was so comforting to know it was there, the backbone to my day.
I'd even say good morning to the clock every time I came down the stairs into the hallway. Other small rituals too, walking into the conservatory throughout the summer months, sitting and gazing out into the garden as I sipped my lemon water.
Those little things you don't realise you'll miss until they're gone.
But the beauty of leaving somewhere is that you get to appreciate all that you had.
It heightens your awareness of these moments in life.
When I woke up this morning and flicked through Facebook. I was reminded of a memory from this day last year. It was the day I left my childhood home that I'd lived in, other than when I went to uni and short stints with partners, for most of my life. I’d spent 28 years in the house and I’d spent all my life in that town.
I'd written a post that turned into a poem on my last morning of waking up in that bed.
All the 'lasts' I would have the final chance to do.
The last walk to my gym.
The last awkward flush of the dodgy toilet and the upstairs bathroom.
The last glance through my bedroom window to the houses opposite
The last click of the gate where the postman hadn't shut it properly and it jiggles on the latch.
The last time I crouched down at floor level to look in the fridge whilst making my lunch.
I remember that feeling of melancholy, of losing, of missing of almost clutching to these memories. But in that same moment, I realised that with all these lasts, comes the appreciation of those memories but also it's the 'lasts' that make the room for new 'firsts' to take their place.
I love that reframe. Because without all those lasts, without that awareness, appreciation and forward momentum of moving into a new chapter. There is no room for whole host of new firsts and that's such an exciting and beautiful anticipation.
What 'lasts' can you honour and what new 'firsts' can you create in your world today?
Silly selfie taken on the lawn at my old house a few weeks before I loved last year…
As an additional note, I thought I’d share with you the poem I wrote on leaving day from the childhood. home. I remember the moment I wrote this poem. I’d just woken up, I hadn’t yet got out of bed, I was lying on my back and my notebook was by my bedside so I reached over and grabbed it.
Reflecting on all the memories that had come before in those 28 years, this poem evolved.
THE LAST TIME
Moving day dawns
I find myself noticing the ‘lasts’
The last nights sleep in this bed
The last gaze at sunlight hitting my curtains as I open my eyes
The last awkward flush of the dodgy upstairs toilet
The last turn of the stiff shower handle
The last morning mug of lemon water stood in that kitchen looking out at the birdbath
The last time I walk barefoot across that garden
The last time I handstand against that garage wall
The last clink of the garden gate that the postman didn’t shut
The last time I hear that landline ring
The last time I take those stairs two at a time and hold the banister to jump down the bottom three
The last time I cycle to the gym just around the corner and cut through the woods
The last time I crouch to stare into that fridge whilst making lunch
The last time I hear the cats scamper down the stairs as my mum prepares their food
The last time I hear bikes rattle down the bridle path running alongside the house
The last time I smell the scent of my childhood
The last time I maneuver my car out of the driveway on autopilot
The last time I pause to check for traffic at the top of that road as I pull away
The last time...
I notice a subtle melancholy
An inward celebration
But then the dawn of realisation...
That these ‘lasts’ create the space
For new ‘firsts’ to take their place
A smile creeps across my face
Feeling totally exposed even in my own private company
As I sat up in bed, immediately upon waking this morning, I had a sudden urge to grab my phone and take a photo of myself looking in huge mirrored doors of the built in wardrobe that flanks one side of the room.
This isn't a photo for likes or comments, but a representation of how it has shaped me over the last few months, the difference that having a huge mirrored surface opposite the doorway of the bedroom has made in my life.
For context, I moved into this house in January. It's an eight month house sit for the parents of one of my best friends. It's coming to and end quite soon.
I remember the very first evening I was here. Getting undressed and ready for bed and suddenly seeing my naked body lit up in front of the mirror in the yellowy light of the ceiling lamp.
I remember at the time, I froze momentarily then slightly recoiled. Feeling totally exposed even in my own private company.
I wasn't used to seeing my own body in its 'wholeness' and it caught me by surprise.
That in itself fascinated me. The fact that I'm so used to seeing parts of myself. Fragments at a time. Abstract. In small mirrors in the bedroom or in the bathroom, or when looking down as myself, a distorted world view.
Yet I’d so rarely had the chance to appreciate my full form.
Looking at photos of our whole selves is different, we're posed and poised. Viewed rom a distance on a small on a screen. Clothed.
But here I was. Full on, full out. Unprepared and unposed in all my naked glory, standing opposite myself. Looking myself in the eye. There was no hiding even though that urge rose within me.
The next evening when it happened again. I noticed my resistance. I noticed the surprise. I noticed the feelings of uncertainty and unfamiliarity with my own body. Unfamiliar with the body I'm so used to, the body that I have lived in for 36 years, yet I just never really 'see'.
In all its completeness.
So I got curious. I started turning around in front of the mirror. Looking at myself from as many angles as possible. The light changing and creating pattern and shape rippling over me. Twisting, tensing, flexing, looking at the curves, the folds and muscle tone and observing the wonder of the musculoskeletal system that makes the human form.
What magic!
It became quite a fun game. Creating a sense of familiarity and connection with myself, and in doing so a sense of compassion. And slowly but surely a deeper sense of self love.
Self love.
Not that I'd ever really hated my body, not at all. I simply hadn't ever really appreciated it because I'd never seen it, not really, not like this. I’d been so disconnected from my wholeness. I had no idea what I was missing.
But every single night and every single morning as I got undressed, I had the chance to observe my body in it's naked glory. Those moments became such a celebration. A private moment of connection and respect.
As the days and the weeks and months passed during my time in this house, I learned to celebrate the glory, the fullness and the completeness of my body in a way I'd never previously had an opportunity to, in a way that I'd never even seen as necessary.
I can honesty say it has been a beautiful journey.
So, this morning, when I woke up and sat on the edge of my bed, I suddenly had the spontaneous urge to grab my phone and take a photo. Not for likes, but to record this moment. Record how I feel to be in acceptance and celebration, in fascination and curiosity and at one with my body.
This beautiful, powerful body.
As I shot this photo, I had literally just woken up seconds before. My hair isn't brushed. I have an old T shirt and knickers on. Nothing else. I have bruises on my knees where I fell over. The bed isn't made. The room isn't particularly tidy.
But none of that matters.
Because this isn't for likes. This isn't an ego trip.
This is showing up as me in the moment. The spontaneous, raw, vulnerable, unfiltered beauty of me.
A celebration and a call to love in seeing ourselves. Fully.
Because I want you to see yourself. Fully.
I want you to find a huge mirrored wardrobe of your own and stand naked, to look yourself in the eye and truly see and celebrate the depth and fullness of who you are, because it's glorious. Truly and utterly glorious.
And it might take a while to get comfortable with that. That's ok. Stay with it. Lean into those feelings. Because with repeated exposure and a sense of curiosity, it will come. I promise.
I didn't realise before that I didn't love my body but it's simply because I never truly gave myself a chance to.
I'm giving myself that chance today.
30 things I love about being alone...
Yesterday I was having a bad day.
It was just one of those days when everything got on top of me for various reasons and I felt out of my depth and overwhelmed.
I shared a post in a private Facebook group run by my friend and fellow coach Julie New, most of which I have decided to now share below because I know I am not alone in feeling this way. I also know that when we share openly from the heart we invite others into that space to share their world.
Yesterday I was having a bad day.
It was just one of those days when everything got on top of me for various reasons and I felt out of my depth and overwhelmed.
I shared a post in a private Facebook group run by my friend and fellow coach Julie New, most of which I have decided to now share below because I know I am not alone in feeling this way. I also know that when we share openly from the heart we invite others into that space to share their world.
“This feels vulnerable and even stupid to admit because I'm 35, I'm a nice person, I do have friends and I'm in the 'prime' of my life (whatever that is anyway!) but somehow I've ended up feeling lonely.
So incredibly fucking lonely.
I think I have been for some long time but it had been masked until very recently so I was unaware of it's extent. Now reality has kicked in and I need to take the reins and do something about it. I guess that's why I am sharing this openly, because i'm not going to be the victim of my own life!
Five days ago I took on an 8-month housesit at my friends parents place whilst they are off travelling. It is the first time I have ever lived on my own- previously I have lived with housemates at uni, or with partners or parents. I have always had some form of 'company' or some level of 'background noise'.
Reality kicked in really quickly.
I work for myself and can often spend days mostly on my own. I'm not in a relationship. I have wonderful friends but this is not about a lack of people I can call upon. Sometimes a sense of isolation hits out of the blue.
I am an introvert. I hate small talk.
I crave deep conversations and a meaningful hug.
I don't want to be fixed (I am not broken), but sometimes I just want to be heard.
Sometimes (like today) the only people time I have is going to a class at the gym. It feels so good when I am there to adsorb the energy of group of other people. But in reality I might only share a 'hi' and a smile with the ladies next to me, then a 'thanks' to the instructor as I leave.
I do enjoy my own company. It fills me up and fuels my creativity BUT I have too much of it at the moment.
I also realise that I have been spending a lot of time working on my own personal projects, working behind a computer screen - writing my book and re-launching my website - I notice those activities in themselves lack an immediacy of connection and contribution, so they perpetuate the isolation. Small yet very significant things for me to notice.
I feel vulnerable in admitting this because as someone who considers themselves pretty self-aware, a coach for goodness sake... how did I not see this coming? How can I possibly be lonely, it seems almost selfish in this world full of opportunity to even admit it out loud.”
Of the back of this post there were such wonderful words and many ‘me toos’ shared on the thread in the group. In articulating my emotions into words, I gave myself the pace to realise where in my life I had been lacking and not that I had an issue with ‘being alone’ but instead it was an issue with not connecting and contributing enough to people and causes beyond myself. This gave me a fresh perspective and a choice to make some changes.
I am also still fairly fresh out of a relationship that ended late last year. I found it very tough emotionally and in the soft quiet moments of the day, or the last thing at night, I sometimes do still struggle.
So I decided to write a list.
As it happens a list of 30 things I love about being alone. Because to be quite honest, I do really enjoy my own company and here’s some of the reasons why…
I can spread out diagonally across the double bed.
I don’t have to work around anyone else’s routines.
I can travel and go on trips spontaneously without warning.
I can go to bed and get up whenever I want without the worry of waking anybody up or being woken up.
I can’t sleep at night I can just put the light on and read a book.
I can make my own decisions without having to run them past anyone else first.
If I want to eat chocolate for breakfast there is no one to judge me.
I can spend time with whoever I want to spend time with without feeling I should be somewhere else.
No obligations to go to social gatherings I don’t want to go to.
Fewer obligations altogether.
Family dynamics are much more straightforward.
The food shop lasts longer.
Less laundry to do.
If the toilet doesn’t flush ‘it’ away properly, I don’t need to hang around waiting for the tank to fill so I can flush it again.
No misunderstandings about whether it is my turn to do something or not.
No one will ‘accidentally’ eat the special treat I bought to enjoy after dinner.
I can enjoy the silence.
I can be as creative as I want to be without holding back… even if at times it may appear as though I’m possessed by the devil when an idea first lands in my head.
I can play the same song on repeat for two hours and no one will complain.
I can eat meals at random times without needing to coordinate with anyone else.
The only mess I need to clear up after is my own.
There is no ironing that needs to be done, and no expectation to do it.
The toilet seat will never be left up.
There is no great debate about whether the ketchup goes in the fridge or the cupboard.
I don’t have to pretend to enjoy TV or watch Netflix, in fact the TV never gets switched on.
I can stay out as late as I want without having to check in with anyone.
I can go to the gym in the evening without feeling like I should be spending it with someone else.
If I’m in the middle of a big creative crafting session, I don’t need to clear it all away when I finish, I can just leave everything right where it is to come back to another time.
I can leave a pile of washing up in the sink until the next morning and no one will care. Ditto with a full dishwasher.
I can have a long leisurely bath without anyone knocking on the door needing to use or get something out of the bathroom when i’ve only just got in.
What about you, have you ever struggled with feelings of loneliness?
Can you feel the difference between 'loneliness’ and ‘being alone’ - for me one is taking ownership (being alone) and one is playing the victim (feeling lonely). I always have the choice to change my mindset from playing the victim to taking ownership on my situation, remembering that is empowering.
I also find that sharing our thoughts out loud i a safe space, not matter how silly or unfounded they may feel really helps with shifting perspective. This is exactly why I created the I AM group. You are invited to join me there.