Ep. 9 Sarah Riegelhuth
Today I'm speaking with Sarah Riegelhuth. We actually connected just a few short weeks ago (a couple of months as of publishing this podcast) when I responded to a call that she put out for guests for her new 'In My Truth' podcast.
We had a deep and rich conversation and I also invited her on to my podcast so we could continue that discussion in the vein of 'permission' and how that shows up for her.
We dive deep in so many areas. Covering things like...
Just because we're not lying doesn't mean we're in our truth. How truth can show up in our body language and not just in the words we say. How by repressing and hiding things through protecting others or not wanting to hurt other people, that has such a big impact on our own growth, our own needs, and our own desires. What it means to repress those things, how that accumulates over time and what it looks like to have those deep and powerful conversations and ultimately how connection can come through those deep, powerful and often difficult conversations.
I look forward to you joining us for this conversation and I'd love to hear what comes up for you. If there's any insights that particularly resonate with you or anything that particularly triggers you. Please do share, but most of all enjoy this conversation.
Find more about Sarah’s work here: www.sarahriegelhuth.com
Find more of my work as a coach and designer here: www.includingcake.com
“Being human means we are definitely going to disappoint people. In those moments, either there's an opportunity to walk away because they're not your people or it’s a gateway for so much deeper connection”.
The Permission Podcast Series : Exploring what it means to give yourself permission to live life on your own terms.
Today I'm speaking with Sarah Riegelhuth. We actually connected just a few short weeks ago (a couple of months as of publishing this podcast) when I responded to a call that she put out for guests for her new 'In My Truth' podcast (see my interview here).
We had a deep and rich conversation and I also invited her on to my podcast so we could continue that discussion in the vein of 'permission' and how that shows up for her.
We dive deep in so many areas. Covering things like...
Just because we're not lying doesn't mean we're in our truth. How truth can show up in our body language and not just in the words we say. How by repressing and hiding things through protecting others or not wanting to hurt other people, that has such a big impact on our own growth, our own needs, and our own desires. What it means to repress those things, how that accumulates over time and what it looks like to have those deep and powerful conversations and ultimately how connection can come through those deep, powerful and often difficult conversations.
I look forward to you joining us for this conversation and I'd love to hear what comes up for you. If there are any insights that particularly resonate with you or anything that particularly triggers you. Please do share, but most of all enjoy this conversation.
Find more about Sarah’s work here: www.sarahriegelhuth.com
Listen below or via your favourite podcast platform…
Ep. 9 Sarah Riegelhuth
Show Notes:
Highlights that stood out for me as we talked…
How vulnerability can actually go super deep, super quick. When we do allow ourselves to go there, it feels like connection just opens up far easier.
We try to gain approval and acceptance when in actual fact, we're creating a wall of separation between ourselves and whoever it is that we're trying to show up for.
What is a lie? Is it a lie when I show up to a party, even though don't want to be there?
What if I just shared all the things that I feel, all the things that I experience and struggle with? What if I shared the story before I was comfortable with it?
I think there's a real difference between complaining and being in a negative mindset. There's a whole range, a whole spectrum and we've had such an influx of positive mindset and positive culture conditioning us not to be negative. "I've got to be positive all the time is denying half of who we are as human beings.
It can be just as inspirational to hear someone move through their struggle or to witness someone in their pain - that can be just as inspirational because it's real.
In the last 12 months i’ve starting to create, again, in an artistic context. Yet, I'm paralyzed. Once my pen hits the page, the mark is there and I won't be able to change it. To observe that was so profound for me - if I'm doing that over art that means nothing, how am I doing this in so many other areas of my life that do mean something?
I noticed that even in my journaling, it took me a while to not filter what I was writing in my journal that was just for me. Why am I like judging what I'm writing in my journal, which is my tool to process the challenges in my life?
I'm constantly curious about myself, but I feel like the way that we've (as a society) positioned 'knowing yourself' it is actually rigid. It's closed-minded. Who we are is always evolving. Every new experience, every new interaction is adding to who we are.
All of our troubles are because of the things we're too afraid to show other people (in reference to Radical Honesty - the book).
Sometimes we're not even in our truth as to why we exit situations, why we break things off because it's easy to just pin it on something and hightail it out..
Give yourself permission, even in business settings, to share all of who you are even the things that we don't necessarily see as a positive because people want to work with you because they know they know who you are. They are clear on who and what they're dealing with.
I've noticed in my journey as a leader, in my journey of running companies, this is the best team and culture I've ever had because we are bringing our whole selves and we're real. And we all know the different things that are going on with each other.
Permission is a practice. Start testing the waters on little things such as sharing my preferences, or not going to the thing I don't want to go to, or answering honestly, when someone says 'how are you?' Start with the little things and see what conversations open up because I think what we need when we start moving into a new way of living is evidence that it's going to be okay. Evidence that people will still love me.
Typically when we first meet someone, we connect over our sameness, we look for all these ways that we're all the same. And every time one of those things falls away and we find that piece of difference, it creates the fear that the entire relationship will crumble. The friendships that are the strongest are because I don't have to be anything different for them. And I think now I'm at the place where I want every relationship to be that even if I just met you.
Being human means we are definitely going to disappoint people. In those moments, either there's an opportunity to walk away because they're not your people or it’s a gateway for so much deeper connection.
Find out more and connect with Sarah:
Sarah isn't one thing but many. Professionally she's an entrepreneur, personally she's seeking truth, connection and understanding. Ever evolving, ever willing to look within and to face the hard stuff for insights, growth and learning.
Insta: @sarahriegelhuth
Facebook: www.facebook.com/sarahjaneriegelhuth
Ep. 7 David Taylor : Permission To Let Go
David is someone that I first met back in 2015 when he ran a weekend event called Be The Miracle and it not an exaggeration to say that it was probably one of the most life-changing events in my life so far in terms of it delivering a powerful message at a time when I was ready to receive it.
It was my first experience of understanding what it means to show up with vulnerability and authenticity and I've never forgotten that moment and the spark it lit inside.
I have always been drawn to how David shows and how that has evolved over time in his work as a coach but also more recently his work a powerful film-maker that brings forth powerful inner stories.
Find more about David here: www.extraordinary.coach/home
"You talk about permission and I see it from another lens. What I notice in own life is that the times that I got what I wanted is not when I've added something in, but when I took something away - things I picked up throughout my life that got in the way, the beliefs and stories. It's permission to let go”. - David Taylor
The Permission Podcast Series : Exploring what it means to give yourself permission to live life on your own terms.
David is someone that I first met back in 2015 when he ran a weekend event called Be The Miracle and it not an exaggeration to say that it was probably one of the most life-changing events in my life so far in terms of it delivering a powerful message at a time when I was ready to receive it.
It was my first experience of understanding what it means to show up with vulnerability and authenticity and I've never forgotten that moment and the spark it lit inside.
I have always been drawn to how David shows and how that has evolved over time in his work as a coach but also more recently his work a powerful film-maker that brings forth powerful inner stories.
Find more about David here: www.extraordinary.coach/home
Listen below or via your favourite podcast platform…
Ep. 7 David Taylor : Permission To Let Go
Show Notes:
Highlights that stood out for me as we talked…
*timings are approximate
1:00 - How we met, vulnerability and it being one of the most life-changing moments of Jo’s life.
3:00 - Deep gratitude
6:00 - A powerful space to draw you in and draw you out.
8:30 - Permission not to ‘do’ something, but to ‘let go’ of something that was getting in the way.
10:30 - How a moment of laughter around the family dinner table fundamentally shaped David's life. "I made a decision in that moment, I'm never going to ask for help again".
13:00 - You can never get enough of what you do not really need.
16:30 - Accepting my identity. “For most of my adult life I really didn't want to have children. I was so isolated as a child, I couldn't imagine creating that”
19:30 - Is it about permission or is it about integrating who I was, with acceptance, which then created possibility?
22:30 - Childhood shame.
24:00 - David's filming process- 'The Stillness Process". No question, no direction, no guidance.
26:00 - The journey to be utterly present to create the ultimate permission.
34:00 - The gap between 'deciding' to do it and 'arriving' in the chair. Step by step moments of self permission. Choosing to share publicly creates self-permission to be seen.
39:00 - Feeling physically sick sharing his own film, then hitting publish and feeling total liberation.
44:40 - The opposite of going with the flow is that at each and every moment making a conscious choice. When we live in a world of choice and permission, that is living consciously.
49:00 - The choice to be uncomfortable.
Find out more and connect with David:
David Taylor is coach who is evolving into a film maker. David noticed that one of the most powerful gifts you can give to someone is a silent presence where they can feel truly heard. To be heard, to know it and feel it fulfils a deep longing. David's use of film can deeply serve clients in a way that coaching and other therapeutic approaches do not always address. The film process is intimate and gentle, and yet can enable the most powerful stories to come forward and be heard. It also enables a rare thing, for the subject to meet with themselves as part of the final result.
Whether it is coaching or film work - David creates a powerful space for deep transformation.
David lives in York with Truda and their two sons Phoenix and Edon.
Find David’s work here: www.extraordinary.coach/films & www.vimeo.com/uncontained
Ep. 6 Henry Johnstone: Giving myself permission as a daily practice
Henry to me, is someone I met about seven months ago and in that time, I've loved watching his journey as a coach, but also as a 'creative'- he is an epic metalwork artist!
What I love most is his willingness to be vulnerable, particularly as a man, and to talk about the deep stuff- the stuff that doesn't necessarily get talked about enough.
I absolutely loved this conversation, and I think my greatest aha moment actually came within the first few minutes - at times when self permission is a struggle, ask someone else to give you it! How crazy beautiful is that?
We also talk about 'play' and why we struggle with it, failing magnificently, recognising when you need to stick in your comfort zone and replacing 'should' with 'could'...
I hope you enjoy and I'd love to hear what comes up for you as you listen.
“I have to give myself permission everyday. I have to do it daily. The way it presents itself is that when I'm giving myself permission, I'm choosing to ignore the way that I was brought up and the values that I was given in the way I should behave” - Henry Johnstone
The Permission Podcast Series : Exploring what it means to give yourself permission to live life on your own terms.
Henry to me, is someone I met about seven months ago and in that time, I've loved watching his journey as a coach, but also as a 'creative'- he is an epic metalwork artist!
What I love most is his willingness to be vulnerable, particularly as a man, and to talk about the deep stuff- the stuff that doesn't necessarily get talked about enough.
I absolutely loved this conversation, and I think my greatest aha moment actually came within the first few minutes - at times when self permission is a struggle, ask someone else to give you it! How crazy beautiful is that?
We also talk about 'play' and why we struggle with it, failing magnificently, recognising when you need to stick in your comfort zone and replacing 'should' with 'could'...
I hope you enjoy and I'd love to hear what comes up for you as you listen.
Find more about Henry here: www.henryjohnstone.org
Listen below or via your favourite podcast platform…
Ep. 6 Henry Johnstone: Giving myself permission as a daily practice
Show Notes:
A summary of conversation highlights that stood out for me…
4:06
I have to give myself permission everyday. I have to do it daily. The way it presents itself is that when I'm giving myself permission, I'm choosing to ignore the way that I was brought up and the values that I was given in the way I should behave in all situations.
7:10
It's a really self loving action, creativity, because I'm giving myself permission to play. But within that there's an anxiety that if I give myself permission to play, then I'm going to stop this 'busyness'. It's like this internal conflict. So if I get caught in that kind of tumbleweed, I simply go to someone else and I say, is it ok if I do this?
13:50
When we're growing up play is conditional, and really there's no need for it to be that way to whatsoever.
17:10
Being confronted with something that requires no rules and no timeframe... how do I start this? There's a confidence required in that and it's confidence based on one's own belief that whatever step they take forward from now will be the right step. And if it's not, it's okay that they get it wrong.
18:45
Whenever I start something, I tell myself I'm just gonna fail magnificently, which means that I'll throw everything up on the wall, some things will stick, some things won't. But who cares. I have to restructure my brain that failure isn't something to be avoided.
21:50
I knew that whenever I felt that feeling of 'I don't want to do this', that was the moment where if I did, I would experience the most relief and feel good feelings and therefore, I'm just simply going to do it.
25:00
If you don't feel like pushing yourself past your comfort zone that's absolutely fine. Please have a duvet day because we need to have that comfort and that security.
26:20
'Should' is so loaded with expectation. "I should be this way", that's immediately sign that absolutely no, you don't need to.
29:50
I knew I wanted to find a job that had meaning and purpose and I wanted to help people. I love being useful.
34:50
There's moments where I'm like, okay, I feel unhappy. What do I need to do to give myself the love that I'm craving right now?
35:50
I think it's quite hard to develop self awareness on one's own, I do believe that it helps a lot to do work with a coach or a therapist so that you can start to get that inner knowledge. In the same way that you experience me from the outside and I only experience myself from the inside out, we need someone else to tell us what's going on that we're missing.
37:30
The gold comes when you've got someone in the space asking you how does that feel? What are you feeling? Where'd that come from? You can't get that from reading a book. When you're with a coach or a therapist is not instructional, it's reflective.
40:10
Replace 'should' with 'could' and you have a choice.
Find out more and connect with Henry here:
“I help you when you feel hardened, and defeated by life. Together we delve deep into what's stopping you from being where you want to be. Heal your past and move forward with a passion! Get excited for what lies ahead, invigorate your sense of self and most importantly: feel happier. Your time is now.”
Find more about Henry here: www.henryjohnstone.org
FB: www.facebook.com/fearlesslyaman
IG: www.instagram.com/_henryjohnstone_
Podcast: ‘The Inner Warrior’ https://innerwarrior.podbean.com/
Ep. 4 Simon Crowe : The fire hydrant of infinite potential
I have connected with Simon a number of times over the last few years, and as I share in the introduction to this conversation, for me Simon always embodies a deep sense of presence and purpose. I love how his energy allows me to really drop down into my body and really ‘feel’ the conversation.
I loved how we start with an ‘uncomfortable’ silence, once in which I found myself not knowing quite what to do with… who would be the first to break it! A courageous start for a podcast ;-)
We talk about permission showing up in everything. The inherent courage in giving ourselves permission and the willingness to be uncomfortable.
We discuss what leaning in to uncertainty looks like and how curiosity is an antidote and how through clarity of vision and intention the school project in Liberia is coming to life.
There are also fire hydrants, spiders webs and cups of tea!
“This is where I give my self permission to not be focussed on the small separated me, but to focus on the big fire hydrant of infinite potential. Developing practices to take me there rather than having to fight my way through the spiders web.” - Simon Crowe
The Permission Podcast Series : Exploring what it means to give yourself permission to live life on your own terms.
I have connected with Simon a number of times over the last few years, and as I share in the introduction to this conversation, for me Simon always embodies a deep sense of presence and purpose. I love how his energy allows me to really drop down into my body and really ‘feel’ the conversation.
I loved how we start with an ‘uncomfortable’ silence, once in which I found myself not knowing quite what to do with… who would be the first to break it! A courageous start for a podcast ;-)
We talk about permission showing up in everything. The inherent courage in giving ourselves permission and the willingness to be uncomfortable.
We discuss what leaning in to uncertainty looks like and how curiosity is an antidote and how through clarity of vision and intention the school project in Liberia is coming to life.
There are also fire hydrants, spiders webs and cups of tea!
Find more about Simon here: www.simoncrowe.com
Listen below or via your favourite podcast platform…
Ep. 4 Simon Crowe : The fire hydrant of infinite potential
Show Notes:
A summary of conversation highlights that stood out for me…
2:40
*the silence!*
4:00
How everything we ever do is the result of the permission we give ourselves and the role of courage to do things we've never done before.
5:22
There is so much about 'doing', but a lot of self-permission is also sitting with the 'being'.
8:30
Creativity is simply the space between knowing and not knowing. Creativity is as simple as just giving yourself permission to sit for five minutes or have have an idea or write something or draw something. Trust that if you have a blank piece of paper in front of you, something is going to happen that leads to a process of action. It's also giving yourself permission that a thing you might initially draw on a piece of paper is not necessarily going to be a thing of beauty, but it's where that takes you.
10:20
Jo talks about quitting her architecture career and the permission needed to do it even thought others might not 'get it'. The permission part in that process was entertaining the idea in the first place. "I could leave". That was the permission process - actually putting the option on the table and once the option was on the table and I sat with it for long enough, it got to the point where it was shouting so loudly, it was just the only option.
14:30
Every day is created through intention, desire and inspiration. I'm giving myself permission, because there's no one else to ask for it. I also give myself permission to our source tasks that we don't like doing in our business.
16:30
We discuss what leaning in to uncertainty looks like and how curiosity is an antidote. " I don't need certainty if I'm curious".
19:00
Leading with curiosity through clarity of vision and intention, Simon shares his real life example of the school project out in Liberia where curiosity is unfolding with a knowing that it will happen, conversation by conversation.
Stay open to the process but not to attached to it happening in a particular way. If you get too attached it reduces creativity and reduces opportunity.
Keep asking questions and having conversations.
24:40
There's a massive difference between understanding something an intellectual level, and then really dropping down into it at a grounded heart level. That's where are the 'shoulds' falls away.
26:10
Being comfortable with being uncomfortable. It's necessary for growth. I've been working quite tirelessly at creating a series of practices and behaviours that when the curiosity does go behind the cloud, how do I get beyond the clouds? How do I get back into that flow of creativity?
29:40
Don't be passive and wait for that mood to shift. Use tools to take action to step back into the flow of creativity. It's incredible empowering.
32:00
Stopping the battle with resistance and stepping beyond the spiders web.
36:40
I give myself permission to not be focused on the small separated me, I instead focus on the big fire hydrant of infinite potential.
Most mornings I wake up feeling anxious and nervous. What's going to happen today? And I think, right, okay well, I've got a choice. It's my responsibility.
39:15
We don't have to believe our own thoughts. It's the permission to not stay stuck, permission to feel differently.
41:20
How we frame our language, even to ourselves can be the difference of curiosity or resistance.
43:20
What's just one small step that I could take right now? It's not even so much about the step, it's the realization that you can take the step. You're not the emotion, you're the observer of it.
44:20
A cup of tea as a mechanism for shifting state.
46:00
Creating an internal shift. From that place you've got a completely different set of choices.
48:50
Start to develop some strategies and some processes to support you stepping out of that stuck space. A habit of doing something creative everyday uses a different part of your brain, uses inspiration and curiosity. An intentional practice creates the choices.
51:20
Give yourself permission at the small 'day to day' level. It's not just about the big things. Its the same muscle being worked.
52:30
We're being run by our habits all the time. Being in a crap mood is a habit. We talk neuroplasticity and how we can change the brain simply by having a different thought.
55:40
The centre of the brain, which is responsible for fear and nervousness, is the same part of the brain that is responsible for excitement and anticipation. When I feel nervous or frightened about something I tell myself I'm excited about it. Because it's the same feeling, it's just the story I tell myself about the feeling.
59:20
When everything looks shit, there's still something which is good. We fall into polarised thinking but it's rarely those extremes absolutely. Develop the ability to a little bit more nuanced. Allow yourself to be present to the spark of possibility.
1:02:10
Our experience is always a result of the choices that we're making and we can always give ourselves permission to make a different choice.
Find out more and connect with Simon here:
“I help successful people to understand their true purpose, so they can experience greater levels of happiness and fulfilment, often in a single conversation.”
W : www.simoncrowe.com
FB: www.facebook.com/simoncrowecoaching
LI: www.linkedin.com/in/simoncrowe