Red lipstick...

When I quit my corporate career in architecture back in 2012, I immediately disowned the ‘power dressing’ culture where female sexuality was often used as a tool to win clients in a male-dominated industry.

In launching myself into the world of health and wellness I flung myself fully to the other end of the spectrum and embraced my inner hippie- barefeet and barefaced. Spending most of my time in gym kit and sports bras (or no bra at all!)

Truth be told I saw my willingness to disown make-up and accessories as a form of personal empowerment, and if I am super honest (this part is really hard to admit) I judged the women around me who I perceived still felt the need to ‘wear a mask’.

Yet, there was something that was still simmering hot beneath the surface as I felt triggered when in the company of beautifully put together women. I didn’t know how to address those feelings so for years I pushed them away and for the most part avoided getting to know those women, so that I didn’t have to address the awkward conflicting growing resistance in myself.

In recent weeks the inner conflict reached tipping point...

A growing awareness that how I am evolving and growing internally is no longer in alignment with how I look externally. In fact, there is now such a significant disparity, it can no longer be ignored.

I realised, that if I am indeed passionate about how we show up in life as the most honest, authentic, bold and empowered versions of ourselves then I needed to walk my talk and stop minimising myself, stop blending in, stop playing small on ALL levels- this includes my appearance! The unspoken void and the missing piece of the puzzle that was holding me back.

I realised I judged and resented the beautiful women around me because I didn’t know how to look beautiful myself (I know we all have a natural beauty but that's not a what I mean here). I didn’t know how to embrace my feminine essence as I’ve always been more naturally comfortable with my more masculine traits, I don’t know how to style my hair, what colours and types of clothes best suit me, what jewellery and make-up could accentuate my appearance... and I wanted the choice!

Choice switches us from playing the victim to taking ownership. It's a powerful reframe.

So I took a deep breath and booked a colour consultation for my birthday next month, I also booked a session with a hairdresser to teach me how to braid my hair, and with the encouragement of a friend in that moment earlier this week I took one more small but significant step in this direction… I bought a bright red lipstick.

Red is my favourite colour. It boldly embodies fun, passion and purpose.

I’ve never felt confident with make-up. Even when at university I felt like I looked like a drag queen when I attempted to apply it. I was envious of my housemates who knew what they were doing and so many times I would put it on and then wipe it all off again before even leaving the house. Feeling frustrated and defeated. Relying instead on my slim gym-fit physique to carry me along and convincing myself that was enough

This time in the privacy of my room I applied the red lipstick. Immediately I could feel the discomfort surge within me. I was pushing the very limits of my comfort zone and it took all my effort not to grab a tissue and wipe it off.

I looked at my reflection, sitting alone in front of the mirror, for a good few minutes until the discomfort softened and my curiousity grew. I smiled and noticed how white my teeth looked against the red of my lips, I noticed how the red of my hair was accentuated, I noticed how I didn’t need any other makeup with such a bold statement feature, though I did also try a little mascara.

I posed for a quick selfie and tentatively sent it to my friend. I kept the lipstick on for the rest of the evening, doing a double take every time I caught a glance of my reflection.

Today I found myself wondering if I’d have the confidence to wear it in public, if it could actually become my new normal.

I decided the very first step was to share the selfie with you...

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Finding the balance in letting go

Over the last few months (maybe even few years) I have felt increasingly pushed and pulled between wanting to get rid of 'everything' and live a very minimalist life, but at the same time wanting to hold on to all the 'creations' and memories of my childhood and my school years, holding onto all my art and craft materials, all the bags and boxes of recipe ingredients and food photography equipment lining my kitchen shelves, and of course all my books!

I find huge comfort and creativity in these things, but in equal measure, I find it all overwhelming and suffocating...

Knowing there are stacks and boxes in the loft and under my bed needing sorting through 'at some point' creates a low level of anxiety that never quite leaves me, a subtle heaviness that holds me back. I have observed this for some time.

I want to travel and live a more transient nomadic life, not for ever but for a while, and all these 'things' are stopping me. I am letting them stop me. Why is that?

I feel incredibly emotional at the thought of just letting it all go, but at the same time a huge sense of liberation. Tears prick my eyes as I write this (unexpectedly)

Maybe that's called starting over?

Do I need to start over?

I recall almost ten years ago now, one weekend totally out of the blue my ex-boyfriend at the time stripped his life almost completely bare to prove to himself he could do it. To prove to himself what was essential. To get curious about what made him truly happy.

He packed everything he owned into boxes in the garage and challenged himself to live from the contents of a single holdall for a week, which became two weeks then one month. He slept on a roll up camping mat on the floor net to the bed for that time period also.

Once the month was done, he slowly added things carefully and consciously back into his life and got rid of the rest, the majority.

I remember thinking he was absolutely crazy at the time. But now I look back and smile with a shift in perspective, a new level of understanding. Extreme maybe, but only now do I begin to understand.

I wonder how to find the balance in letting go. How do I begin to negotiate this task?

Marie Kondo would ask "does it bring me joy?" Yet, so often I find it is not that clear cut. Many of these things do indeed bring me great joy, I'm just not sure that is the question I need to ask…

I have always formed strong attachments to things and struggle to let go often long after they have served me... relationships, clothes, habits... it drains my energy and holds me in the past. On the flip side, memories can be so beautiful, but even in their beauty can hold you back and stop you looking forwards.

I am a creator and my whole life revolves around creativity and using my mind, my hands and all of my senses to interact with and reinterpret the world around me.

The thought of not having access to the diverse physical expression of my art and creativity, not having all my crafting resources to hand to dip into at any given moment quite frankly terrifies me, it pushes me to the very edge of my comfort zone. I'm scared that I will be lost in my head forever with no way to physically create. Even as I write that I know that this is not true.

But maybe this is what I most need to embrace and explore.

Reinterpreting my creative expression through the eyes of a living a minimalist life.

I am curious as to where that might lead...

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The moment I realised I am a 'heptathlete'

I had something of a game-changing realisation today.

I have always been one of those people that has multiple passions and multiple strands to my bow. I was cool with that and fully embraced my creativity (or so I thought)

But today I realised that very same understanding has been holding me back in my business- massively!

I realised I held the story (ingrained from school days, books and societies conditioning) that in order to be a 'master' at your craft you had to focus all in on one discipline.

You have a choice in life - either be good at lots of things, or be a master at the 'one' thing.

By default I firmly held onto the subliminal belief I was a 'good' coach, a 'good' designer, a 'good' writer, a 'good recipe developer...

So when it came to opportunities to put myself in font of potential clients, to chime in on threads in facebook groups, to network and engage with people... I so often held back, incredibly frustrated at myself for doing so, without seeing what was playing out beneath the surface.

I inadvertently told myself that these clients would be better served by someone who was a 'great' designer, or a 'great' coach - aka someone who I perceived focussed fully on that 'one' skill and therefore must better than me.

Now I am calling BULLSHIT on that story!

For the first time truly seeing it for what it is.

I am also reminded of how all these strands and multiple disciplines play out to offer a richness and depth that otherwise would not be. My coaching work infuses my design work, my mindset and creativity is a powerful driving force behind my approach to a plant-based diet. My love of food and recipe creation offers a an incredible dimension to my retreats and workshops.

It’s not always about homing in on and being a master of the ‘one thing’…

It’s also about recognising and bringing to life the interplay between the various strands and the strengths they offer each other… as well as acknowledging that just because I have multiple passions and I spread my focus across them all, it DOES NOT mean that I dilute my talents or my skills. If anything, I have now come to realise that the opposite can indeed be true.

I was speaking with my coach at the time, and just before this realisation hit me and in order to try and prove my point I gave this analogy;

"It's like the example of an olympic athlete, they are world champions in their specific discipline, channeling their skills and practice solely on that narrow focus to be the best in the world".

There was a short pause and then she said to me;

"So, what about the heptathletes?"

So today, for the first time I call bullshit on my lifelong story of never being more than 'good'.

I am embracing my inner heptathlete. 

Now… it’s your turn. Do you have multiple passions and strands to your business or even your hobbies and if so are you holding yourself back? Is it time for you to embrace you inner heptathlete and allow yourself to shift from ‘good’ to ‘great’?

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30 things I love about being alone...

Yesterday I was having a bad day.

It was just one of those days when everything got on top of me for various reasons and I felt out of my depth and overwhelmed.

I shared a post in a private Facebook group run by my friend and fellow coach Julie New, most of which I have decided to now share below because I know I am not alone in feeling this way. I also know that when we share openly from the heart we invite others into that space to share their world.

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“This feels vulnerable and even stupid to admit because I'm 35, I'm a nice person, I do have friends and I'm in the 'prime' of my life (whatever that is anyway!) but somehow I've ended up feeling lonely.

So incredibly fucking lonely.

I think I have been for some long time but it had been masked until very recently so I was unaware of it's extent. Now reality has kicked in and I need to take the reins and do something about it. I guess that's why I am sharing this openly, because i'm not going to be the victim of my own life!

Five days ago I took on an 8-month housesit at my friends parents place whilst they are off travelling. It is the first time I have ever lived on my own- previously I have lived with housemates at uni, or with partners or parents. I have always had some form of 'company' or some level of 'background noise'.

Reality kicked in really quickly.

I work for myself and can often spend days mostly on my own. I'm not in a relationship. I have wonderful friends but this is not about a lack of people I can call upon. Sometimes a sense of isolation hits out of the blue.

I am an introvert. I hate small talk.

I crave deep conversations and a meaningful hug.

I don't want to be fixed (I am not broken), but sometimes I just want to be heard.

Sometimes (like today) the only people time I have is going to a class at the gym. It feels so good when I am there to adsorb the energy of group of other people. But in reality I might only share a 'hi' and a smile with the ladies next to me, then a 'thanks' to the instructor as I leave.

I do enjoy my own company. It fills me up and fuels my creativity BUT I have too much of it at the moment.

I also realise that I have been spending a lot of time working on my own personal projects, working behind a computer screen - writing my book and re-launching my website - I notice those activities in themselves lack an immediacy of connection and contribution, so they perpetuate the isolation. Small yet very significant things for me to notice.

I feel vulnerable in admitting this because as someone who considers themselves pretty self-aware, a coach for goodness sake... how did I not see this coming? How can I possibly be lonely, it seems almost selfish in this world full of opportunity to even admit it out loud.”

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Of the back of this post there were such wonderful words and many ‘me toos’ shared on the thread in the group. In articulating my emotions into words, I gave myself the pace to realise where in my life I had been lacking and not that I had an issue with ‘being alone’ but instead it was an issue with not connecting and contributing enough to people and causes beyond myself. This gave me a fresh perspective and a choice to make some changes.

I am also still fairly fresh out of a relationship that ended late last year. I found it very tough emotionally and in the soft quiet moments of the day, or the last thing at night, I sometimes do still struggle.

So I decided to write a list.

As it happens a list of 30 things I love about being alone. Because to be quite honest, I do really enjoy my own company and here’s some of the reasons why…

1. I can spread out diagonally across the double bed.

2. I don’t have to work around anyone else’s routines.

3. I can travel and go on trips spontaneously without warning.

4. I can go to bed and get up whenever I want without the worry of waking anybody up or being woken up.

5. I can’t sleep at night I can just put the light on and read a book.

6. I can make my own decisions without having to run them past anyone else first.

7. If I want to eat chocolate for breakfast there is no one to judge me.

8. I can spend time with whoever I want to spend time with without feeling I should be somewhere else.

9. No obligations to go to social gatherings I don’t want to go to.

10. Fewer obligations altogether.

11. Family dynamics are much more straightforward.

12. The food shop lasts longer.

13. Less laundry to do.

14. If the toilet doesn’t flush ‘it’ away properly, I don’t need to hang around waiting for the tank to fill so I can flush it again.

15. No misunderstandings about whether it is my turn to do something or not. 

16. No one will ‘accidentally’ eat the special treat I bought to enjoy after dinner.

17. I can enjoy the silence.

18. I can be as creative as I want to be without holding back… even if at times it may appear as though I’m possessed by the devil when an idea first lands in my head.

19. I can play the same song on repeat for two hours and no one will complain.

20. I can eat meals at random times without needing to coordinate with anyone else.

21. The only mess I need to clear up after is my own.

22. There is no ironing that needs to be done, and no expectation to do it.

23. The toilet seat will never be left up.

24. There is no great debate about whether the ketchup goes in the fridge or the cupboard.

25. I don’t have to pretend to enjoy TV or watch Netflix, in fact the TV never gets switched on.

26. I can stay out as late as I want without having to check in with anyone.

27. I can go to the gym in the evening without feeling like I should be spending it with someone else.

28. If I’m in the middle of a big creative crafting session, I don’t need to clear it all away when I finish, I can just leave everything right where it is to come back to another time.

29. I can leave a pile of washing up in the sink until the next morning and no one will care. Ditto with a full dishwasher.

30. I can have a long leisurely bath without anyone knocking on the door needing to use or get something out of the bathroom when i’ve only just got in.

What about you, have you ever struggled with feelings of loneliness?

Can you feel the difference between 'loneliness’ and ‘being alone’ - for me one is taking ownership (being alone) and one is playing the victim (feeling lonely). I always have the choice to change my mindset from playing the victim to taking ownership on my situation, remembering that is empowering.

I also find that sharing our thoughts out loud i a safe space, not matter how silly or unfounded they may feel really helps with shifting perspective. This is exactly why I created the I AM group. You are invited to join me there.

A good place to start is appreciation. I love to hear from you… what do you love most about being being alone?

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10 reasons I'm NOT the coach for you...

When I first mention I'm a coach, it's understandable that people then ask me what kind of coach I am. For a long time I shied away from this question (l talk more about that here) as my 'title' seemed to change every other week!

But the beauty in this question is it gives me an opportunity to connect at a deeper level, to share what coaching means to me, what kind of coach I am and how I can support you on your journey.

It gives me an opportunity to lay down some clear foundations, because I hold my hands up... I'm not the right coach for everyone.

10 reasons I'm NOT the coach for you...

1. I'm not going to tell you what to do, I'm not going to advise you on the best course of action. However I may share my experiences with you and my observations on what you say which could translate into actions should you choose to take them. But I'm never going to tell you what to do.

2. I have duvet days. I have days where I feel overwhelmed, anxious and not good enough. I also have epic days when I feel like I could literally take on anything that is thrown at me. I'll always show up for you 100% as the professional that I am, but I am not going to hide my 'human-ness' from you either.

3. There is no quick fix with how I work with my clients. No structured SMART goal system to work to. We are in it for the long haul. I coach what shows up in the moment. We go deep, we strip back the layers, we get super vulnerable, there will probably be some tears (sometimes they could even be mine!) Working with me involves embracing the messy in order to get to the magical. If you're not down with 'messy', then I'm probably not the coach for you.

4. I'll call you out and keep you accountable with your actions. I know excuses when I hear them and I'll pull you up on them. I am not here to be your friend. I will absolutely stand in your greatness and hold space for you potential in moments when you doubt yourself but I will not believe in your dream more than you do.

5. I often talk about spiritual stuff. Not light and fluffy, not rainbows and sparkles but yes there will be spiritual vibes in the language, tools and techniques I bring to the table. If that's not your bag then I am probably not the coach for you.

6. At some point I will probably disappoint you. You will probably disappoint me too. Let’s put that right there on the table. It is impossible to control others expectations of us regardless of how pure the intention is. The beauty is in the conversation in acknowledging this, in what comes next. We won't ignore the elephant in the room.

7. I am a passionate creative and I infuse this into all areas of my life. We live in a multi-sensory world and I bring this powerful dynamic into all of my work. This may mean getting your hands dirty, it may mean getting out in nature, it may mean movement or yoga, or journalling or drawing or being a bit silly. This is not just ‘talking therapy’, this is a space where we will engage the body and mind at a multi-sensory level.

8. I don't generally wear smart suits or blouses, I rarely wear make up and that's unlikely to change. Most of the time I'm rocking leggings and a sports bra. I'll do me and you do you. Embrace it.

9. Most of the time I work with clients via audio not video call. I can listen more deeply this way. I can think more clearly this way. I can move my body if I need to. I can be outside in nature if that feels right for me in that moment. I encourage you to explore the same. If you prefer to always speak face to face, then I’m probably not the coach for you.

10. At some point I will probably try to feed you! I'm a passionate plant-based foodie and it's been a huge part of my own evolution and my no.1 10/10 kinda client would be someone who aligns with these values or is as least curious to explore plant-based nutrition and how this can support the connection with a deeper sense of self. But hey, it's by no means a deal breaker... as long as you enjoy my homemade 'bliss balls' ;-)

I'm not the right coach for everyone.

We might just not be a fit and that's ok. That's actually more than ok, because the beauty is that when we give up on pleasing everyone, we give ourselves permission to find those folks who really make us come alive and who just ‘get' us.

… and that's the magic of a powerful coaching relationship.

If you are still curious and want to have a conversation… hit the button below.

I look forward to connecting you!

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20 lessons I learned in 2018 (and what this means for 2019)

As a follow on from my End Of Year Review and as part of my overall end of year reflections I began concocting a ‘lessons I learned’ post after feeling inspired by reading similar posts by others. It ended up as a list of 20 which felt like the right place to stop.

I love the simple clarity of some of these lessons contrasted with the depth and complexity of others - a complexity that goes so much deeper than the words on the page.

Many of these lessons I am already well on the road to putting into action, others will take a little longer as the acknowledgement and the implications land within my soul.

This list is not conclusive but all felt significant for me and I feel offers something of a beautiful indicator as to where my life has journeyed over the last 12 months and areas of focus and intention for the next 12 ongoing.

I’d love to hear from you… what are your top lessons of 2018 …and where are you headed for 2019?

20 lessons I learned in 2018

1. ‘Home’ is an internal place not an external one.

2. The importance of creating clear boundaries and expectations in relationships -both personal and business.

3. Love will find me when I’m ready and willing to ask for it and let it in.

4. Travel does not have to be expensive, complicated or a luxury.

5. I have a desire to live a location independent lifestyle.

6. I do want kids after all (this one is huge for me)

7. How much of my precious energy I drain through investing too much in people or situations that aren't in alignment with me.

8. Difficult conversations will never get easier if expectations and boundaries are not first created, and even then they still require courage to be had.

9. Stories are powerful - both in terms of how we connect as humans and the (often negative) stories we tell ourselves- rewrite that script!

10. A calling to take the next step on my writing journey and publish a book.

11. I can choose to be the 'victim' or the 'owner' of literally any situation I find myself in.

12. Having continuously rebelled against the idea of ‘structure’ and ‘planning’ since having the freedom of working for myself, I realise I absolutely need them in order to succeed. (note: I ordered a planner for next year and I will commit to using it!)

13. I currently hold a very negative ‘money story’ which is holding me back from financial abundance (massive reality check!)

14. What I perceive and beat myself up as being as my big old shame stories no one else even notices or cares about, they’ve got their own stuff to deal with.

15. Making 'bliss balls' are my no. 1 procrastination distraction tactic!

16. It's totally ok to be picky, and actually the more specific you are about your desires the more you give ‘the universe’ to work with to co-create with you.

17. If I'm not mindful, my default mode is to fall into being a 'rescuer' and that does not serve either me or them.

18. My new favourite green smoothie recipe is: 1 banana, 2 packed cups of spinach and the juice of 1 lime (try it!)

19. To get to experience the amazingness of life we also have to be willing to embrace the messy bits. We cannot ‘numb’ selectively and there is beauty in the pain.

20. The pleasure gained from sipping tea from a very big mug cannot be underestimated!

So what does this look like for the months ahead?

Intuitively, I’m feeling that 2019 looks set to embody a more transient lifestyle, an exploration of love (of myself and others), of creating a ‘structure’ that works for me and consciously creating expectations and agreements.

I am curious to see how this sense of awareness evolves!

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2018 end of year review

My end of year review is an ‘emotional space creator’, a calling in what has come and gone, what I have created and what I have left behind, what has fired me up and broken me down what has shifted and evolved with me.

I first captured it's essence on a small piece of paper then burned it in the solstice fire to make make way for 2019.

This blog was originally captured as an audio note. If you would like to listen to the full, unfiltered version you can do so below (it’s 20 minutes long). It embodies the energy of the moment, and of the original essence of my reflection. That said, this written post itself contains minimal editing from the original.

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My end of year review comes form an emotional place. Not a place of fact and figures as I have seen in so many other entrepreneurs reviews. This is the place that feels most true for me right now. The facts and figures whilst important and rewire my acknowledgement, don't hold most meaning for me in tis moment.

There were two big driving forces that were most meaningful for me this year, both were in my personal life but that created powerful ripples in all areas of my life and business.

My relationship.

My house move.

First, I met my love in January after seven years of being on my own. Last New Year I put the message that I was open and ready for love out in the universe and later in January itself I met him.

It was an intensely beautiful relationship at first but slowly the cracks began to show. I realised then that I hadn't created strong boundaries and I hadn't called in what was truly important to me deep down. I wasn't living in full alignment with who I needed to be. Whilst there was a still a lot of deep love there on both sides, there were insurmountable cracks that were exacerbated by dramas unfolding in his world and frustrations that I felt were being repressed and not addressed.

I look back and smile now as I understand relationships are always our mirror.

What was I not addressing?

So from some time September though to November we took a careful and steady decision to create some physical space which ultimately have the conversation that would end it all.

It was incredibly painful at times, as I struggled to let go of the desire for him being 'the one'. Yet, it has taught me a lot about what it is I truly need in a relationship, not just what I think I want, and also where I am willing to compromise and where I am not.

Another big driving force this year for me has been my house move.

I have lived in the same house, on and off over the last 28 years (aside from university and short stints with partners) but I had always gravitated back to the family home. It was my rock. On some levels it served me powerfully, but on other levels it really held me back and I knew it. But I felt caught in the spiral. It was a comfort zone that I struggled to break away from.

The decision was made for me. In late September the house was sold. The family home, the place that I had called home for almost 28 years no matter where I was in the world, no longer existed.

That created all kinds of shifts within me energetically. It also coincided with the difficult conversations within my relationship. It was the beginning of the end at that point. A very powerful time.

These things have challenged me in so many ways, they pushed me into discomfort when I have needed to gown but haven't felt ready. In amongst this turbulence, I noticed so much space open up with in me. Space for new ideas to be born. .

So what else has this year brought to light...

It has shown a powerful evolution in my coaching business, it has shown me moving away from nutrition into the realms of vulnerability and authenticity at a level of depth and clarity I hadn't previously explored.

It has seen me 'create' more... more crafts, products, workshops, services. Creation is incredibly important to me, BUT I also notice that sometimes when I create it can be an act of procrastination from not taking action on following through of those creations.

It is a comfort zone to create, but to follow through is a whole different ball game and that is the part I have often neglected and overlooked. I have all too easily jumped ship to another 'shiny idea'. I have launched ideas into the world but then allowed them to dissolve a fizzle out without continually pulling in energy to lift them off the grown in the way they deserve to be. That is an acknowledgement on my part, an acknowledgement that needs to change next year.

I launched my bevisible.me website, as a hybrid of design work and coaching. This is something I really feel will springboard next year... and I am really enjoying the combination of design and coaching.

Drawing out stories, storytelling is an incredibly powerfully space that I want to explore much more deeply next year. We all have incredible powerful stories within us, stories that can draw our people into our world. If we can find away to express who we really are though our stories, through out life and our words... it is magic.

This is where I feel as though I am going more and more. Using my voice to help people share their voice.

That is the work that is calling me.

I believe that this understanding has needed the space of my relationship coming and going and the turbulence of energy from my house move to really bring this to the forefront of my life.

This year I also created the I AM group. A private facebook group to show up is the fullness of who we are.

I found myself using the phrase I AM to explore my own territory, to explore the expansiveness of who I was, who I was leaving behind and who I was becoming, with a sense of curiosity and without judgement. It is so easy to judge ourselves and hold expectation, but when I can let that fall away and sit with the pure curiosity of 'who I am', life shifts in exciting new ways.

I also created the I AM postcards just before Christmas, as a way to explore intention setting for the coming year, as a way if honouring how we really are.

Back in October I had a wonderful conversation with a fellow coach. I shared my frustrations of where I was holding myself back, where I was struggling to give myself permission to step into the life that was waiting fo me.

He asked me a simple question: "what would life look like for you you if you gave yourself permission?"

My immediate unfiltered answer was; "I would get to experience ALL of me."

Even as I said those words I could feel the power within then. In that moment I realised that to become the best version of ourselves we need to be willing to experience ALL of ourselves, that includes the messy bits and it includes the tough conversation, it includes the bits we want to repress and deny. It's only through being willing to be with these parts of ourselves that we get to experience outsides in all of our truly glory.

So then he reflected back that maybe instead of my signature line "I help people become the best version of themselves", maybe instead I rewrite this to become "I help people experience all of themselves'. It immediately felt aligned. I had been able to connect the dots that that been there all along.

It was the precursor to creating the I AM group. It was the precursor to my realisation that I a story teller, but more than that I create space for other people to tell their stories and truly own them. That's what I want to do more and more of next year.

As I sit here now, I reflect on what else I need to acknowledge this year, what has had less obvious impact on me but is important to acknowledge nonetheless.

One key things is my Wholeplus food business. I joined forces at the very beginning of this with a local gym owner who also has a commercial kitchen. The relationship going forwards with the business has an incredible amount of potential. But progress has been very slow, with nothing really moving forwards and other priorities taking over time and time again.

At times I found this incredibly frustrating, but now I see that maybe that's exactly what needed to be. Maybe the energy there had to slow down and be put on hold so I had the energy to inject into me, my growth, the I AM movement, the evolution of my design work, and also my relationship- because whilst my relationship ultimately broke down it was at first an incredible rich and nourishing part of my life with many lessons to be learned.

Next year is a time for growing into the message that has become clear this year.

Now that my message has become clear, my food business also has some space to grow.

I big realisation this year is the I want to become more transient and not fixed to any single location. I have slowly shifted my work, and ultimately my relationship to allow for that transition.

I tested this idea of 'live-work-travel' at the end of this year in Salobrena, Spain and it was a magical experience.

As I let go of the old and allow things to transform into how they can best serve me, I look ahead to committing to myself. Not just creating but committing those creations into action. I also look to building a community because I know deep down this is not just about me. Our stories and our ownership of our lives is a community effort, coming together to express, to share, to acknowledge, to voice our journeys in the presence of others in a safe intimate space is powerful.

So I am holding space for that community. I am committing to my own journey, I am continuing to weave my web as a storyteller, designer and coach, These are the threads that I am pulling together out of everything that has come over the last 12 months and that I am weaving into the tapestry of 2019.

So this is my end of year review. Much longer than I anticipated when I began my reflection process.

Now, I reflect back to you...

What has the year held for you?

What is the essence of what this year was about?

What are the truths that stirred your soul and create the biggest shifts?

What were the biggest teaching points?

What has 2018 meant for you overall?

Once you have a sense of all of these things, how will you bring all of that together as an intention for 2019? If you were to get super clear on that feeling, what does that look life when articulated into words. What is your intention for the year ahead and how will you honour that transition?

Wishing you a wonderful 2019.

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Self growth : Why we need to get ready for the meltdown!

If you have kids, or young family members, you may well be aware of the ‘caterpillar kits’ that have been doing the rounds during summer time year over the last few years.

A few weeks ago, at my mum’s house, I found myself sat in front of a tiny tub containing baby caterpillars, no more than a few millimetres in size, wriggling around eating so much food as they prepared for their transformation.

As I sat there it occurred to me the incredible magic that is involved, the mind-blowing transformation that takes place in order for them to become a beautiful butterfly.

There are so many 'inspirational' quotes bounced around on the internet about this transformation, but to be honest, they had always just seemed like words to me: 

"What if the change you're avoiding is the one that gives you wings?"

"Just when the caterpillar thought the world was over, it became a butterfly"

"Your time as a caterpillar has expired, your wings are ready"

I'd never really thought about it to the extent I did as I sat there that morning, staring through the sides of the little plastic tub.

What made me laugh as I thought about it some more, is that when the caterpillar wraps itself up in it's chrysalis, attaches itself to a solid surface and hangs there for a couple of weeks before emerging as a butterfly... what is actually happening on the inside!

It practically liquefies, by releasing enzymes to digest its own body. The caterpillars 'dissolve' before rebuilding themselves into a beautiful butterfly!

It felt like a powerful metaphor to me; that in order to undergo this incredible transformation, first we have to have a 'meltdown'.

How true is this in life, when we are going through our own transformation. When doing the work on the inside first, it is almost inevitable that we are going to have a meltdown somewhere along that process.

In that moment I realised it's about embracing this process because that is where the biggest gifts lie. It's the shift that happens during the meltdown where we become stronger and more beautiful as a result.

It's the allowing of that that state of letting go of who we once were, even it might feel like the worst thing in the world at the time, but is actually necessary in order for us to become the person that we have the potential to be.

What's more important as I thought about it again a few days later, as I looked across at these now tiny rugged suspended chrysalis forms, is that there is this outer protection against the world.

The chrysalis shell is the only thing that allows the caterpillar to do the ‘inner work’; the only thing that allows the transformation to take place.  There is no way they could have their 'meltdown' without that protective barrier in place.

I think we all need to create a ‘chrysalis’ in our own lives.

If we are to accept that at some point along the process of our personal growth we are going to have a meltdown, then we need to be better preparing ourselves for that protective container. Having the people, the resources and the tools in place that allow us to fully embrace that.

It's not pretty, it's actually pretty messy in there. But if we haven't got the resources in places to best manage that state whilst we are in it, we are likely to struggle.

Ultimately, I think there are two key learning points to this caterpillar-butterfly process, way beyond the fluffy inspirational quotes...

One is in accepting that it is likely we are going to have a 'meltdown' as we do the inner work to become our biggest, brightest, best self. In order to truly fly in this world we are going to first have a meltdown.

Secondly, in knowing this, it is about putting the people and the resources in place to support that transition and help it run it’s course as smoothly as possible.

It's not going to be pretty, but with awareness and support we can make it through the process and out the other side to emerge in full glory.

So, let’s get ready for the meltdown!

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